Abel Cáceres; phony wounded Marine

| January 17, 2018 | 61 Comments

Someone sent us their work on this fellow, Abel Cáceres, who claims that he was “scared, wounded, wandering in the desert” at about 15:00 in this video in which he was addressing graduating students last Spring in Colorado. At about 20:50 he says that he was cut off from his unit in Kuwait, that he was in “a fierce firefight, wounded and afraid. Alone. I was able to rejoin my unit”. Nevermind, I edited the video down to the relevant parts.

According to his records, he did participate in Operations Desert Shield and Desert Storm. He was a supply clerk in Headquarters Company, Headquarters and Service Battalion of the 2nd Force Service Support Group. He doesn’t have a Purple Heart Medal or even a Combat Action Ribbon which would verify that he was involved in a “fierce firefight”.

He left the Marine Corps as a Lance Corporal after four years of honorable service. It looks like he was a supply clerk the whole time, not that there’s anything wrong with that – unless you start making up stuff that you didn’t do and start using it to impress high school graduates.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (61)

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  1. Hondo says:

    Abel Cáceres? Seems to me that “Abel Mentiroso Cabron” fits better.


  2. A Proud Infidel®™ says:


  3. CW2 Club Manager, USA Ret says:

    This “Academy” that has his video appears to be a squirrely outfit that exists to sell videos. Maybe they deserve each other.

  4. Miek says:

    I get Abel. I do. I was a supply clerk. I was in 1st FSSG. We are the pogiest pogs in pogville. But come on man! It’s less embarrassing than turning in to an embellishing piece of shit.

  5. NHSparky says:

    There I was, surrounded by Rooskies, and I fought off an entire Soviet cruiser armed with nothing but a 1250….

    Box-kickers do a vital job to be sure, but tip of the spear shit? Uh, no.

  6. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    Dude was wounded in his mangina during his sooper seekrit buttsekks ops at the Blue Oyster during “Operation Felching Badger”.

  7. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Abel Cáceres, hijo de la puta grande, CHINGA TE Y COMIDA MIERDA, puto! What else was he on, Operation Sphincter Weasel? Operation Anal Biscuit?

  8. HMC Ret says:

    In his bullshit address in which he references God and what would God have him say to the children, he references himself as ‘coach’. Wonder if he is a coach at the academy?

    Hey, ‘Coach’, those kids now know you for what you are. I’ll let you fill in the blanks.

  9. Wilted Willy says:

    What a fuckwad! Be happy that you served, all jobs are important! Now you are just a lying cocksucker! Enjoy your internet fame there shitbird!

  10. Ex-PH2 says:

    Drek. That’s what he is. Just drek.

  11. Jay says:

    haha! SOOO-PPLY! Bro, I was Supply for 20 years and there is no shame in the job. Do it to the best of your ability….and having a NAM as a coolie probably means he did it pretty well. Way to go jack ass….shit over your service.

  12. Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

    CHI CHI MON. Is he from Florida

  13. AnotherPat says:


    If you go to this site and scroll down, it looks as if he is in Administration at this Private Christian School (unless I have the wrong dude, but the picture sure does look like him, so if I am wrong, please correct me). He also “allows the


    “Mr. Caceres pledges every day to the Almighty that he will be a firm but fair representative of Arma Dei to each student that he interacts with whether it is on the athletic field, class room or common area. He has been entrusted with the care of your children, no matter what grade nor for how long a period of time and allows the Spirit of The Lord guide his actions. “Woe to the shepherds who destroy and scatter the sheep of my pasture!” declares the Lord.” Jeremiah 23:1”

  14. CWO5USMC says:

    I was in the same Bn at the same time as a newly promoted Cpl in Comm Co, H&S Bn, 2dFSSG (now called MLG). Nothing to be ashamed of in deploying and doing your job, regardless of MOS.
    Way to sh!t all over yourself and a good enlistment. Getting out as a LCpl isn’t a bad thing, just depends on cutting scores at the time and he had a NAM to boot.
    Somebody needs to flush this turd from any interaction with school kids.

  15. Reddawg_03 says:

    Arma Dei? Weapon of God?

  16. aGrimm says:

    My father-in-law was a supply guy with the Navy stationed on Adak Island during WWII. His stories of the brutally cold conditions would send chills up and down your spine. They constantly had to chip ice off of transport equipment. Do not think that supply guys always have it easy.

    On the other hand, Abel Caceres is a putz who besmirches the good work supply folks do.

  17. Atkron says:

    I know every Marine is a Rifleman…but c’mon man.

  18. Snotcrow says:

    “As I led my Marines into combat”
    – LCpl Cáceres (Supply)

    Seems reasonable.

  19. swormy says:

    Where have I heard a similar story..Oh yea, Joe Anan. Both left alone wandering in the desert during Desert Storm. Still waiting Joes proof he said was going to provide backing up his story. Probably going to be a long wait.

  20. Jorge says:

    21 years as a RuLing/TagLing, got my Dolphins, left with my Joint Commendation as the highest, did my part, had a good time, and a lot better for it. Screw these guys. People are impressed that I made it through DLI twice.

    CTIC(SG) (Ret)

  21. Green Thumb says:

    I wonder how many free hunts and shit he finagles with his bullshit?

    Is Abel Cáceres a wounded Marine? No.

    A real deal oozy ass turd? Yes.

  22. Fjardeson says:

    In the rear with the gear, clean record, signed on the line and did his bit.

    Then crapped all over it. STUPID. I say hit him with the Wall of Insults™®

    • ChipNASA says:

      We have a (Not API!) request for the Wall of Insults™® for Abel Cáceres.

        • ChipNASA says:

          Sorry, a day late and just happened across this.
          We have a “Segundo!”.
          Do we have an “Sí” vote’?

            • ChipNASA says:

              And so it goes.

              Well Abel Cáceres., I certainly hope you enjoy your GOOGLE FAME®™!!

              You wanted attention and your wanted infamy, well you got it big boy. You just had to go FULL RETARDED SHRIVELED POTATO on a bunch of High Schoolers, didn’t you?

              So which is it, who were you trying to impress and snuggle up to?

              (Because as we all know around here at TAH, Stolen Valor and embellishing is just the cherry on the top of the shit sundae.


              Wall of Insults®™
              (aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus)
              FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
              DANGER CLOSE!!!!
              MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
              TAKE COVER!!!!!
              “Unable” Abel “Caca” Cáceres Phony Wounded Marine, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, HOLY Baby Ape Shit Breath, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, Simply a fart in life waiting to be fabreezed away, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, DILLY DILLY!!, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, gaping ass fungus nugget, Bag of seasoned dog shit, Cambodian cunt sauce, Anyone who ever loved you was wrong, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, JERK OFF !!, Soup Sandwich, you’re such a pussy, when you get a haircut they charge you for a bikini wax, suck a big diseased gorilla dick and open those ass cheeks for the bull elephant that has been eyeing your lying ass, Poster-child for abortion, This twat waffle is dumber than a bucket of goat piss, If you are married, The only thing your wife wants for Christmas is a folded flag, Dick Swallowing Jerk Wad Spooge Sampling cum gobbling parasitic infection bunghole tonguer, Klootviool, should be ass raped and tea-bagged, at the same time, by a Rabid Rhinoceros, you were the kid that had to sit alone at lunchtime, He’s more fucked up than a spotted Zebra, If this wasn’t so sad, it would be as funny as watching a monkey try to fuck a football, Anus tonguing shitslurping fuckwitted hemorrhoid munching wanktoaster, pud-knuckling pus-nuts, farting dive bubble cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping, Sloshing bucket of Hippo Diarrhea, short strand DNA ‘tard, a bathroom selfie loser, fake “death stare” makes you look like a semen sucking cum vampire on his way to a flying J truck stop hobo ball sac buffet, Cuntosaurus Rex, You man meat munching, spunk bubble blowing, slack jawed, banjo eyed, single strand DNA refugee from a blow job, not worthy to lick taint lint off my cats backside, dickwad that can’t make a good seal on Tupperware, Buttcrackiula, tit, You look like the product of an orgy at a family reunion. You’re funnier than a sock full of frogs and tougher than a jar of marshmallow crème, Sharmouta, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, as worthless as a Toyota airbag, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, meat-gazing walrus fart hamster queef that should have stayed a tittyfuck cumstain in the back seat of an AMC Pacer, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn’t die, needle dick bug fucker, wad of fungus on a pile of roach turd, Drongo, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, jejeongsin-iya?, whore-hopping fecal wart, Soppspiste Pitbulkukkforhud, stench-ridden, Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled, shiftless, monkey-buggerer, petrified shit biscuit, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, ignoble itching buttcrack, You’re the reason God created Irritable Bowel Syndrome, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, lickspittle, useless bag of monkey fuck, dickbutt, rectum circling colon goblin, Asshole casserole, Vafanculo, Nut hugger, People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore, salad tosser, gonorrheatic urethral cliff diver, smeerlap, fud, rancid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, You look like something I’d draw with my left hand, Mayor Grundle Butter of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, Holy cupcake munching monkeys, clitwart, cuntscab, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, malodorous odiferous felonious fido fucker, snowball, Coprophagous fop, Gonorrhea breath, swizzle tits, giggling beerflecked canker blossom, how did you survive infancy, rectal rapee, GonnoSyphaHerpaClapAIDS Patient Zero monkey buggerer, ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, R2-Dildo, You suck dick for beer money and you don’t even drink beer, secret squirrel masturbation specialist, hand in your badge, Adolf, you fart repeatedly just to make yourself smell better, spunk-trumpet, Bakrauf, face down ass up weak kneed pillow biter, wait of all the lucky sperms that came outta your daddy, you’re the one that WON?? Holy shit, maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting, Pissflap, you’re as useful as Anne Frank’s Drum Set, overzealous polyp burglar, poser quim squirt, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun, Fustilarian, less popular than a Cheese and Veggie Omelet MRE, You are so full of shit, your ears stink, I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral, butt-pirate, as popular as anSBD fart in church on a packed house Sunday, you should get dorked in the squeakhole with the Barbed Cock of Satan, toadstool slime-inhaling dick-drizzling sludge, prodigious jenkem huffer, You’re a dirty coffee mug on a Monday morning filled to the brim with steaming frothy panther piss, Asparagus-dick, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, You’re dumber than snake mittens, Wooden dildo, assplow, Piss Whistle, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, lintlicker, Wino sphincter/ballsack coinesseur, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Stronzo, Pie-Faced Crotch Pheasant, Road apple, Mule muffins, Buffalo bagels, Beaver biscuits, pony pucks & Pigeon pellets (Shout out to M*A*S*H Col. Potter) , Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, manpleaser, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, Fair suck of the sav, is so unimaginably and extraordinarily vapid and mindlessly stupid that he could get lost in an elevator, Meretricious, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, baby cave, analconda, chodeyodeler, tittilating scrotalator pole smoker, Vaginal Sand Fairy, Drollenpijper, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, feral abacus, leg humper, You look like you were conceived through anal, meadow muffin, ax wound drippings, you’re such a loser, when you spank your little wee-wee, your hand falls asleep, horse squeeze Ball Cheese, when I saw this sperm receptacle, soggy biscuit eater, my eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain stem, Schlumpadinka, wazzock, Tampon Tunnel, used toilet paper-sniffing Turbo knob vacuum of a meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, roach turd-munching shit-for-brains, dick pickle, gòrach pìos de cac, It looks like he smeared super glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, feejackapeesack, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, bunghole warrior, cockwomble, bread loaf end slice, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant, If Mr. Rogers were alive, he’d piss on your grave, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, Uncle Fucker, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, Herp-Burger, poofter, intergalactic cunt muffin, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Assistant Jizz mopper in training, chronic hemorrhoid, stugatz, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, Sea Donkey, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, can go suck a fat baby’s dick, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck, Bellicose ball gnashing raper of babies with rabies, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, bawbag, about as useful as a white crayon, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, scunner, kutomba wewe, Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, fudgepacker, turbo douche & enema nozzle, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, 100 retarded monkeys could jerk off in a stagnant swamp and generate a better life form than you, You are about as useful as a knitted condom, schlong juice, cockalorum cum-guzzling gutter slut, Dalton Coldiron’s bunny-butt buddy atomic sphincter goblin, If you stuck your brain up a gnat’s ass, it would look like a BB in a boxcar, Jackanape, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, pussytits, Milksop, You vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous pervert, pillock, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby, donkey raping shit-eater, twatface, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee) NOT a Purple Heart Medal recipient, NOT a Combat Action Ribbon recipient, WAS a Supply Clerk and I wouldn’t trust him around any children, Ball Basting Boy Wondor, planetary level atomic flaming douchebag, Santorium, lying shitbag wanna-be fucknozzle cleaner, Rumpleforeskin, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, anal bum cover (LOL SNL Jeopardy), taint cookie, Mr. Men’s Room Wide Stance toe tappingglory hole hero, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, YOU’RE THE REASON ALIENS COME TO EARTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STICK THINGS UP OUR ASSES BECAUSE EVEN ADVANCED CIVILIZATIONS CAN’T FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twatscicle, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed slimy toadstool on a Swamp Donkey turd, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, Putz, rectal inspector, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Fiction-flinging Gerbal Felcher, dingleberry circling ass buzzard, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, bukakke glazed shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, you lying sack of mosquito, Siberian and of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt.
              FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!
              Can I get an AMEN?!
              (Or your choice of exclamation/interjection.)
              Here endeth the lesson.

  23. AZtoVA says:

    I was there from 3rd FSSG, attached to I MEF. If memory serves, 2nd never left their ships – they stayed off the coast as part of a feint to hold Saddam’s forces along the coast while the left hook swept through the desert. I could be wrong, I’ve slept since then.

    Wonder why the 1st shipped him over to the 2nd just before the fighting broke out? Must be a good story in there somewhere.

    • IDC SARC says:

      Not sticking up for this guy but there were units from II MEF (FSSG/DIV) that were in country…we were opcon/adcon wtfevercon under I MEF though.

      I dunno the politics, but a lot of us from Lejeune units were in the sand the entire time.

  24. Mark Lauer says:

    I was a Supply Administration and Operations Man. It was a damn important job. He should be proud of that.

    But, no. He has to put himself in a firefight…in KUWAIT no less…to make himself sound like he did something important (in his mind, at least).
    To all of you who did jobs like mine; you were IMPORTANT. Your job was heroic. You made a difference; because without you, the line dogs couldn’t have done the fighting.
    God bless us REMFs

  25. SARC88 says:

    At least he found comfort in “the rod”. Way to motivate those grads with your ego and bullshit, buddy.

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