Major (Retired) Steven A. Martens; Canadian phony

| February 10, 2018 | 43 Comments

Our partners at Stolen Valour – Canada share their work on this portly fellow, Steven Martens.

Major (Retired) Steven A. MARTENS CD

The Great Imposter of Vernon Army Cadet Camp!

While serving as a Senior Officer with Regional Cadet Support Unit (Pacific) and during employment at Vernon Army Cadet Camp, he wore the following medals and insignia without lawful authority.

The Order of St John,
The Canadian Peacekeeping Service Medal,
The UN Force in Cyprus Medal,
The UN Emergency Force II,
The Fire Services Exemplary Service Medal, and
The Canadian Forces parachute insignia.

Mr Martens was awarded the Canadian Forces Decoration for long service and “good conduct” This is his sole lawful medallic entitlement.

He claims he was “verbally” reprimanded for his fakery and allowed to submit a request for his voluntary release from the CAF in July of 2013. He then slipped quietly out the back gate when he should have faced charges under s419 CCC / s129 NDA.

So, the question becomes, why was this matter not dealt with in an open, transparent and public manner?

He certainly wore the medals and insignia in public!
“I am very ashamed and embarrassed for my actions and admit that I put up uniform items to which I was not entitled to put up. I offer no excuse other than I totally knew better and was galactically stupid for doing so. This was a very expensive decision on my part that resulted in being disciplined and having to resign from the military”

Mr S Martens

Everyone wants to wear jump wings, no one wants to hump their parachute to the turn in point.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (43)

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  1. Claw says:

    Well, if he says he was “galactically stupid” you know he’s watched too many Tom Cruise movies.

  2. Sparks says:

    Kind of a big fella thee isn’t he?

  3. UpNorth says:

    If he actually wanted to jump, he’d be the only one in the bay of the C-130, and it’s still doubtful it would get off the ground.

  4. Dennis - not chevy says:

    Galactically? Like a meteor maybe? I shudder to think of the damage a meteor his size could cause.


    Under the REALITY heading they forgot to add…

    – Has not seen his own (micro) penis since 1987

  6. Combat Historian says:

    A big fat frozen turd from the Great White North…

  7. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Hey Steven A. Martens, TAKE OFF HOSER!!!


  8. RM3(SS) says:

    When I was a youngster (1960’s) I remember the Air Force in Sacramento County used to practice dropping jeeps and even 2 1/2 ton trucks out of the back of airplanes using these enormous parachutes. Every now and then the parachute would malfunction, huge crash into an open field! That’s what I envision if this bloatus buttcake ever tried to jump.

    • rgr769 says:

      We had a loaded jeep trailer streamer in on a NATO airborne exercise in Norway. It impacted on a paved airbase taxiway. It pancaked into a mess about a foot high. It looked like the cases of C-rats packed into it exploded on impact.

      • Hack Stone says:

        Hack saw the result of an artillery piece being transported by helicopter via a sling, and the big gun being released at an undetermined elevation only to fail the drop test. And that’s why we have ordnance maintenance.

        • Just An Old Dog says:

          Did that happen to be in Camp Lejuene around 82 or 83?
          My Battalion was the first unit in the USMC to get the M-198 and the CH-53E was fairly new as well. Had some Marines on a helo that had to dump one because the bird started getting the shakes.

          • David says:

            Even civilians got in on it, once was an MG ad wherein the car dropped, chute opened, upon landing the driver hops in and drives away. That was the second take – on the first take the chute failed to open and the car wound up roughly a foot or so thick.

  9. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Steven A, Martens sports a very distinct meat-gazer’s grin as well.

  10. Sapper3307 says:

    The turn in point is at the bleachers but you land next to Longstreet.
    good times!

  11. Roh-Dog says:

    ‘Everyone wants to wear jump wings, no one wants to hump their parachute to the turn in point.’
    Sheeeet! That’s the easy part! Try holding ur bladder from JMPI at 0630 until PLF at 1630… I couldn’t feel my toes for a week.

    • rgr769 says:

      That was what was great about Special Forces insertion jumps in Europe. We carry our chutes and gear onto an EC-130 Blackbird in England. Then don’t chute up until about an hour before drop time in Germany. Before that, we could use the head and had the run of the airplane. Enroute, I spent almost an hour in the cockpit talking to the aircrew. My four man “pilot” team and an SAS HALO team were the only ones on the plane beside the crew. But in conventional units, I endured hours chuted up sitting on the ramp waiting for the weather to improve, just like you.

  12. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    If Captain Kangaroo and Michael Moore had a son…

    • bg2 says:

      You got exactly what I was thinking, in re: Captain Kangaroo. Big difference is the shape and color of the moustache.

      • E4 Mafia For Life. says:

        Bob Keeshan (CPT Kangaroo) enlisted in the Marines as a reservist just after we nuked Japan. He did not get to shoot bad guys. We’ll never know if he alone could have stormed the beaches of Normandy or single handedly captured platoons of Nazis.

        But, the Interwebs said that Mr. Rogers was a Navy SEAL and had a violent and criminal history.

  13. Wilted Willy says:

    Frozen North Cocksucker!
    Enjoy your internet fame there hoser!
    One more thing, eat shit and die!

  14. rgr1480 says:

    The rascal!!!! unauthorized wearing of the OStJ ribbon!!!

    I have the Order of St. John, Member grade, and wear it when at non-Order events when military medals are authorized. It’s not on my DD214 because I became a member after retiring.

    Now MCPO NY RET won’t talk to me since I have an honour from the Queen!! c’mon MCPO, I’m still Irish.


  15. 26Limabeans says:

    So he was that fat when AD?

  16. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    “Cadet Instructor Cadre”, High School or College? Either way that gives me creepy vibes.

  17. MCPO NYC USN Ret. says:

    You guys are so dumb!

    What he meant to say was, “my name is Steven A. Manatee and I normally migrate from the Florida Keys to South Carolina, however I got caught in the Gulf Stream and it hauled my fat ass all the way to Cananada”.

  18. rgr769 says:

    Why don’t any of these fakers just claim to be a leg REMFs that just served doing the standard shit? That would eliminate most of the scrutiny that results in them being exposed.

  19. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    Steven A. Martens love to DORK the Stolen Valor SQUEAKHOLE!


    Most CIC ‘officers’ are great role models for their cadets. Although real Reg force soldiers still have( are supposed to anyway) to salute them which is humiliating and akin to saluting a scout master.

  21. E4 Mafia For Life. says:

    Can someone confirm that 1.) Steven A. Martens is a phony and falsely claims the following:
    The Order of St John,
    The Canadian Peacekeeping Service Medal,
    The UN Force in Cyprus Medal,
    The UN Emergency Force II,
    The Fire Services Exemplary Service Medal, and
    The Canadian Forces parachute insignia

    AND is this the proper regulation Canadian Maternity Blouse issued by the Canadian military?

    To his credit though, he does not wear the Order of The Golden Arches Medal

  22. E4 Mafia For Life. says:

    Can you imagine all of the ammo, frags, pistols, IFAK’s, this guy could carry on his belt?
    Probably 2 Claymores and an M249 100 round ammo pouch/can.

  23. Graybeard says:

    Canadian? Check.
    Claiming unearned recognitions? Check.
    Grossly overweight? Check.

    Aaaand we have another entry in the TAH Stolen Valor Race!

  24. Green Thumb says:

    I wonder if this shitbag retired and plays golf with Phildo down in Florida?

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