Joel Thompson; phony Green Beret

| April 2, 2018 | 200 Comments

Our partners at Guardians of the Green Beret share their work on this fellow, Joel Thompson who claims to be a 27-year veteran of the US Army Special Forces.

Here is his really embarrassing video that you have to see to really hate this goofnut.;

Joel Thompson Fake Green Beret from Guardians Of The Green Beret on Vimeo.

But he’s a real fashionista;

Here his fiance tells all of their friends that poor Joel is going back to Iraq again.

In order to go “back…again” you have to go once before, and Joel here hasn’t.

He spent about 20 months in the Army more than 30 years ago and he was discharged as an E-1 12B leg-ass dump truck driver. The only fighting he did in uniform was in prison scuffles while wearing an orange jumpsuit and I’m pretty sure they don’t award CIBs for that. His criminal records are pretty extensive and they’re posted at the GOTGB. All of that stuff on his uniform shirt is bogus, I don’t think that he’s even eligible for VFW membership.

ADDED April 3rd, 2018; Joel got his discharge upgraded to Honorable, but I still don’t think he’s eligible for membership in the VFW;

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (200)

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  1. OldManchu says:

    There must have been a temporary shortage of sewing string in his area after he fixed up the shoulder patches. Good Lord!!!!!

    Graybeard… any chance Army can get a x2 score for this phony? He has definitely done the work of two SF phonies.

  2. Non Cedo Ferio says:

    You sure that ain’t the late Gregg Allman? Dude looks like a dead ringer for him in that first pic. I’m surprised this turd didn’t start a tribute band instead of being a phony

  3. H1 says:

    12B Combat Engineer.
    I know some former 12 bang bangs that would be, displeased.

  4. JBUSMC says:

    Bringing shame to the Motor-T family.

  5. AW1Ed says:

    Shitbird here doesn’t even rate a rendition of “The Ballad of the Green Bidet.”

  6. AnotherPat says:

    His Boo-Hoo video? Dude needs to watch the Downey/Stiller crying scene in “Tropic Thunder” and do a better job of acting if he wants to be believable:

    Another “Look at Me!” PX Warrior who lives in an Alternate Reality World.

  7. W2 says:

    I hated him after about 30 seconds of that video. What a shitbird. He’s also been watching waaaaaay too many movies that feature the maladjusted veteran who was damaged in combat, struggling to “come home”. Fucking asshat.

  8. LiRight says:

    I’ve read a lot of these stories on this site but this one nearly made me vomit.

    When I was drafted in 1966 I did not have the intestinal fortitude to go Special Forces, Rangers or even to Jump School….but two on my sons did go SF and I am certain that they would love to have a “conversation” with this ass-wipe.

    Me? At 70 years of age, I am absolutely certain that I would and could kick his ass from here to Kingdome Come.

    Kiss my Irish ass, Joel, excuse me while I go and vomit once again.

  9. Frankie Cee says:

    Joel Thompson’s favebook page is pretty tightened up, but a half dozen of the pictures shown on the sidebar are open for comments, where I dumped some love, and replied to the ones commented on by all 2 of his friends.

  10. 3/17 Air Cav says:

    His VFW post is around Akron Ohio. Wasn’t the infamous Sonny Cool also from Akron Ohio?

  11. Graybeard says:

    Joel Thompson who is not a member of the VFW, is not a First Sergeant, who is not entitled to wear the 101st patch, who is not entitled to wear the 82nd Patch, who is not entitled to wear the Armor/CAV gold shoulder cord, who is not entitled to wear the Airborne Tab, the Glider Badge, the Ranger Tab, the Combat Infantry Badge, the Ranger Scroll, the Special Forces Patch, or the Special Forces Long Tab is hereby and shall forevermore be declared A Towering Pile of Sh1t Rivaling the Tower of Babylon and, having been nominated thereunto, shall be entered in the 2018 TAH Phony Race ™© as a double-count for the Army Phony Green Berets/SF with the addition of entries for Full Retard, Early Out (aka “Crankstepper”) and Criminal Records.
    Congratulations Joel Thompson – one being such a septic-suck that we have to count you as a double entry!
    On behalf of my father, who did earn the CIB, my brother who was in 82nd AB, and my son who is Airborne – you, Joel Thompson – are a worthless, cowardly criminal, and I am quite willing to beat your worthless adz until you cry like the pathetic scumbag you are.

  12. RM3(SS) says:

    Some of you Army guys educate this squid please. How do you get an “expert” hand grenade pin? Not drop it?

    • Jonn Lilyea says:

      You have to toss the inert practice grenades at targets that are at varying distances…and then throw one live grenade.

      • Duane says:

        When I went through basic in ’78, we almost learned the hard way why there was always a very alert DS standing behind you when you were getting ready to throw the live one. It was my DS, and the verbal assault when the idiot next to me dropped a live grenade at his feet would have done the wall of insults proud. Don’t know if that guy ever did graduate basic training – I know he sure wasn’t in our unit afterwards!

      • FatCircles0311 says:

        I joined the wrong branch. You guys get pieces of flair for everything.

    • 11B-Mailclerk says:

      When I was in OSUT in 1988 at Fort Benning, you had to

      Identify grenade types correctly

      complete a course of scenarios with training grenades:
      – throw from cover into mortar pit
      – sneak up on bunker, check firing port for wire, cook it off, and stuff it in the bunker (pulling hand back before the firecracker in it goes “pop”)
      – etc

      Then, on the live grenade range, throw a live grenade out of a trench, twice, without causing anyone to shit themselves.

      found this online , a qualification score card:

      • 1sg Easy E says:

        I just retired after 24 years and actually still have my hand grenade qual sheet! I threw it in the burn pile about 2 weeks ago! I had one no go, and it was BS! The Drill Sergeant said I missed one of the trenches when I saw it go in ( I was an outstanding center fielder, known for throwing guys out with no cut off man)Anyway, I had all green grease pencil GO’S and 1 ugly red grease pencil NO GO! I got them all at EIB, so who gives a crap if he failed me on one point to put me in my place?

      • Ret_25X says:

        Frankly, I thought the hand grenade was totally lame…now the M60 range…that was fun.

    • Tallywhagger says:

      Haha, well I have one and never made it on any ball team. But, I could throw a grenade pretty good. Maybe it was the weight, maybe the shape.

    • rgr769 says:

      Once upon a time, the Army required the throwing of practice grenades at various targets. It was part of the Army PT (physical fitness) test back in the 1960’s. The dummy grenades were the old pineapple grenades with no charge painted blue. You threw them at a horizontal bulls eye target on the ground from a distance of about 25-30 yards, IIRC. Later there was a test where you had to throw dummy versions of the more modern grenades at various targets, including through a window. I don’t know if they ever devised a scored test with live grenades. When I served in infantry and SF units 1968 through 1976, I don’t believe there were any marksmanship tests with live hand grenades. There were marksmanship tests for use of the M79 and rifle mounted grenade launchers using practice grenades.

      • Tallywhagger says:

        I got mine in 1975 at Ft. Knox. We also had training with LAWs, Claymore mines, and I have vague memory of a mortar launching device but don’t remember what the ordinance was. That was a demonstration, we did not have an opportunity to operate it.

    • timactual says:

      I’ve always wondered about that, myself. I have never seen, heard, or read anything or anyone who qualified with a HG. Nor did I ever hear about a HG range outside of AIT.

      I still wonder if anyone has actually qualified in things like Hand Grenade, Bayonet, etc.

      • Ret_25X says:

        we had occasional hand grenade assault course layouts in the old days, but we never “qualified” on them after basic….

        I think it was really only during EIB that we did it…

        As for bayonets…never even trained except for urban riot training.

  13. Perry Gaskill says:

    If my sometimes faulty memory serves, the Lakota Sioux translation of the name “Joel Thompson” is “Dildo with Ears”…

  14. Skysoldier says:

    What hurt me deep was you saying “over 30 years ago”. I don’t like being reminded of my age I am now triggered.

    • Tallywhagger says:

      Not to worry, most of us older folks are now triggered. You know what they say about not messing around older folks. We’ll shoot.

      • OWB says:

        Only because we can’t run as fast as we used to could, right???

        • Tallywhagger says:

          Adapt and overcome. In a well lived life, you’ll have some cover. Some times you have to be the cover. Whatever it takes, the course of least resistance is usually a pretty good option. If I could still run a mile, it would not be as spritely as it once was. Give me about 12 minutes and I might still get there before the PoPo.

          YMMV 🙂

  15. A Proud Infidel®™ says:


  16. Frankie Cee says:

    Joel Thompson, Full Fledged Phony, is aware of this post. My money says that he is too coward to come here and try to unfuck himself. He has called all of us who are calling him out, “phoney asses”. So damned dumb that he can’t even spell phony, a word that he should be very familiar with.

  17. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    I wonder how soon he’ll fuck up yet again and get sent off to prison to be part of Bubba & Thor’s cellblock harem?

  18. charles w says:

    He needs more tabs.

    • 11B-Mailclerk says:

      He should have skipped the Tabs and stuck with Diet Coke.

      • Tallywhagger says:

        There once was a time when Tab seemed less appealing. On a hot day, get it cold enough and it’s nearly as fulfilling as Coors Light.

        I always hated how a mustache hair managed to get stuck around the rivet of those tear off tabs.

        Ah well, still better than waking up with your eye lashes glued together from some nasty stuff seeping out the tear glands.

  19. The World’s Most Interesting Man says:

    I believe he is trying to compete with me in that first photo

  20. 26Limabeans says:



  21. Combat Historian says:

    He has enough phony bling there to blind Ballduster McSoulpatch…

    Douchebag is as crazy as a cockroach…

  22. Aussiepusser says:

    Ho. Lee. Sheet

  23. lmn0351 says:

    Joel Thompson…..YOU SUCK

  24. FatCircles0311 says:

    Phony rank. Phony awards. Phony MOS. Phony veteran org member. Phony service dates. Phony deployments.

    What a dumpster fire.

    • Hack Stone says:

      Yeah, but the love is real.

        • Tallywhagger says:

          Here’s a version that features Rick Danko and Levon Helm from the Band, John Sebastian, Roger McGuinn, Ritchie Havens.

          Off topic, but on my mind… in Massachusetts, they sell government made dope. I don’t know what they require to get it. The boyfriend of a horse stall tenant showed up with some. The joint was in a tube, in a manner of merchandising.

          The purveyor is all of maybe 33 or 35, about as intelligent as Joel Thompson but intellectually superior, an able bodied seaman, commercial fisherman, and strong as an Ox.

          He showed up in the radio shack with some horse-girls and they all wanted to get high but needed a place to hide away from being seen by the children. They were not invited but requested a dispensation, which was granted.

          I have not taken a hit since 1987 and I don’t smoke. Nonetheless, the “number” was passed around and in the spirit of the moment, I took a hit. It was very smooth, free flowing in the way a perfectly rolled government joint ought to be.

          I didn’t feel a thing, the toke was drawn deep, held and then passed around. For Krikey sake, I probably have some social disease from it but it came back around and the last person to take a hit was gorgeous 33 year old riding instructor.

          She’s a size one and I needed to get my mind out of the gutter, thinking about a deal I could not fulfill.

          Nonetheless, her lips were on it and I took another hit. Deep, penetrating, soulful inspiration, holding it in expectation of huge rush. The young’uns were watching, waiting… for something.

          I coughed so hard I was afraid I might vomit before rupturing something! The high was not to be had.

          There once was a time, when listening to Jesse Colin Young, and getting high, seemed to be congruous.

          Jesse Colin Young is still out there, pandering his nonsense. Just like Joel Jackass Thompson.

          At least Jesse has talent.

  25. Old 1SG, US Army (retired) says:

    Here we go again… making Dump Truck drivers look bad!

    The pic where he’s wearing BDUs with SFC stripes is spot on… note:

    Hair parted in the middle… Check
    Smokes Kool cigarettes… Check
    Drinks grape soda… Probably

    He has got to be a three alarm dope smoker!

  26. lmn0351 says:

    Jonn,you owe me 1:25 of my life.Thats as far as i could go in that video,or you have to start posting a disclaimer “watch at your own risk”.

  27. OWB says:

    Would like to yank that VFW patch off him and stick it where the sun don’t shine. Up his nose, up his a$$, or better yet, give him a new orifice into which it would be left, carefully, of course, then sterilize the incision. THEN stitch up the entire mess with some bailing wire.

  28. Frankie Cee says:

    if y’all go to Joel Thompson’s facebook page, you will see that comments are not open. But, going to this photo, one can make comments, and many have been made, with him having no rebuttal except to call us names:

  29. JimV says:

    A first-shirt? Correct me if I am wrong, but you go back to being a MSG when you are no longer holding the position of 1SG in a company.

  30. NHSparky says:

    Nah, I don’t need to see the video to hate his ass.

  31. HMC says:

    This is perhaps the most over the top sob story, woe is me, I’m a hero, he died in my arms, I’m here to protect you, you can sleep well at night b/c of people like me who give up our freedom for yours, etc. This guy is a pail of human smegma and I can understand how he served so little time … he’s a fucking idiot. I might even give you a partial pass on the bullshit but you seem to revel in the bullshit to a greater extent than anyone I have read. Do us a favor and return to wearing your E1 uniform. You know, the one you ‘earned’ … if someone can actually ‘earn’ E1. It’s pretty much a gimme. You are a failure. Go wail in someone else’s coffee. I’m not convinced you’re a hero. I AM convinced you’re a loser.

  32. Rakkasan says:

    Gotta love that dual combat patch of Ranger Scroll over 101st Airborne patch. He isn’t even a full douche bag…just the nozzle.

  33. HMC says:

    Your best friend died in your arms? Isn’t that the mantra for all bogus pretenders? You should be ashamed, b/c some who read this actually did have their best friend die in their arms. Do me a favor and drown yourself in a vat of smegma. You are perhaps the most egregious PoS I have read on this blog. You are a disgraceful punk. You haven’t earned a damn thing you claim or are wearing.

  34. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    IMHO he looks like a pissed off version of Pee Wee Herman in the pic of him in BDUs wearing shiny E7 stripes!

  35. Brown Neck Gaitor says:

    One of his Many appeals has a scan of his upgrade for his discharge that was done in 2000 with an additional scan of a back-dated Honorable discharge Certificate from 1985.

    So his 30 year career started 9 years before he was born.
    He left as a guest of Ohio in ’03 and (ignoring the other stay in OH) he re-started his military career and retired in 2032.

  36. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    I carpet bombed his farcebook page with as many links to this post as I could before they stopped me. Oh well, Joel Thompson can go visit NYC and piss on a subway third rail for all I care.

  37. Berliner says:

    Joel Thompson, phony Green Beret, a verified lying turd, never excelled to reach PV2/E-2 before being kicked out of the Army after 20 months of obviously substandard service as a dump truck operator.
    Joel Thompson, phony Green Beret, telling his fiancé he was going “back” to Iraq for 6 months was a way of avoiding telling her that he was going to jail.
    Joel Thompson, phony Green Beret, is a serial liar and probably steals used Depend undergarments from nursing homes for his sick pleasure.

  38. Green Thumb says:

    20 month E-1 = Shitbag.

    That Ranger Tab looks like it has a pin in it.

    Can I have a cigarette (or cigar) or whatever that ghey shit is that he has hanging from his suck.

  39. 26Limabeans says:

    “whatever that ghey shit is that he has hanging from his suck”

    It’s a place holder.

  40. Jonn Lilyea says:

    ADDED April 3rd, 2018; Joel got his discharge upgraded to Honorable, but I still don’t think he’s eligible for membership in the VFW;

    • Roh-Dog says:

      WT Fing F?!?
      Dude applies for an upgrayyd from the joint AND it gets approved?
      The shitstain gets booted wasting the government’s time/money/energy (and probably give his senior NCOs greys and ulcers).
      I have no faith in the system anymore.
      I hope this dude gets himself arrested again and gets turned out behind the walls.

    • Claw says:

      Snerk – Bogus DD256. PRIVATE is misspelled./smile

      Eligibility in the VFW is restricted to a non voting associate member for canteen purposes only.

      • Ex-PH2 says:

        Another typo: “it is pleasure to be…”

        Wasn’t word processing equipment in use in general in the military by the year 2000? If so, why does this letter look like it was done on a Smith Corona typewriter?

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      I don’t understand this, either. This guy’s in prison, for starters. He was substandard in the Army – either completely incompetent or a slacker, can’t tell which – and didn’t last long.

      And he gets an upgrade in his discharge – for what? Existing?

    • NHSparky says:

      That’s a new one. Never seen an upgrade from DD to Honorable.

      • 91A1P says:

        They exist .. but are few and far between. You can get some real interesting reading by scanning the files of the BCMR. There are a double pile of upgrade requests. About 99.9% are rejected. Really wonder what made this dude so special? So I searched the BCMR records for the AR2000045890 reference and got a hit … here is what I found …
        1. Character of Discharge: General, Under Honorable Conditions
        3. Authority for separation:
        a. Regulation: Chapter 14, AR 635-200
        b. Reason: Misconduct-Drug Abuse
        6. Nonjudicial punishment:
        Date Offense(s)
        850625 Wrongfully used marijuana (850411)
        (2) The issue is accepted. The Board carefully examined the applicant’s record of service during the period of enlistment under review. There was a full consideration of all faithful and honorable service as well as the infractions of discipline, the extent thereof, and the seriousness of the offenses. While the Board does not condone the applicant’s misconduct, it determined that the characterization of his service was inequitable. The Board found that the applicant’s post service accomplishments mitigated his misconduct and that relief is warranted. Accordingly, the Board voted to grant relief in the form of an upgrade of characterization of service to fully honorable.

    • Claw says:

      Both Forgin’ Frank and Bob Neener had to be really drunk when those documents came out of the mill./smile

    • Graybeard says:

      Hmmm – wonder how he managed that?

      Oh, well, duly noted. But having his discharge upgraded does not impact his actual character, and leaves unchanged the fact that Joel Thompson, who is not a member of the VFW, is not a First Sergeant, who is not entitled to wear the 101st patch, who is not entitled to wear the 82nd Patch, who is not entitled to wear the Armor/CAV gold shoulder cord, who is not entitled to wear the Airborne Tab, the Glider Badge, the Ranger Tab, the Combat Infantry Badge, the Ranger Scroll, the Special Forces Patch, or the Special Forces Long Tab is hereby and shall forevermore be declared A Towering Pile of Sh1t Rivaling the Tower of Babylon and, having been nominated thereunto, has been entered in the 2018 TAH Phony Race ™© as a double-count for the Army Phony Green Berets/SF with the addition of entries for Full Retard, Early Out (aka “Crankstepper”) and Criminal Records.

      And, Joel Thompson, on behalf of my father, who did earn the CIB, my brother who was in 82nd AB, and my son who is Airborne – you, Joel Thompson – are still a worthless, cowardly criminal, and I am still quite willing to beat your worthless adz until you cry like the pathetic scumbag you still are.

    • Hondo says:

      The discharge upgrade appears legit. The case number on the letter matches a case on-file at the Boards of Review Reading Room maintained by USAF JAG. Ditto the entry date, DOB, and date of discharge for the individual referenced in that case.

      FWIW: it it’s the same guy in that case, he doesn’t seem to have been kicked out due to a court-martial; the case summary doesn’t list any courts-martial in his record (there is one NJP). Rather, he seems to have been administratively separated and received a General-Under Honorable Conditions discharge under Chapter 14, AR 635-200. Per the summary included in the case write-up apparently he decided to smoke some rope, had to pee in a bottle, and p!ssed-hot.

      The ADRB made 2 changes to his disccharge. One was to change his narrative reason for separation from “Misconduct-Drug Abuse” to “Misconduct”. That part of the decision was unanimous. The other change was to change the characterization of service from “General Under Honorable Conditions” to “Honorable”. The board voted 3-2 to do that.

      Why? Dunno. Maybe three of the board members got lucky the night before and were feeling generous as a result. (smile). His case was also considered near the end of 8 yrs of the “feel-good, don’t worry about accountability” Clintoon Administration.

      IMO the board blew it WRT the discharge upgrade. Based on his later actions, IMO the Army was probably quite generous when it gave him a “General Under Honorable Conditions” discharge in the first place.

  41. AnotherPat says:

    I looked up his case under the Army Board of Corrections.

    Have no way of cutting and pasting the entire document, so will send to Jonn.

    I may be wrong, but in reading the document, I am under the impression he was upgraded from “General, Under Honorable Discharge” to “Honorable” in 2000 with the reason being “Misconduct” (he was discharged because of twice-testing positive for marijuana while in the Army).

    What is interesting is that the Board in 2000 “found that his post service accomplishments mitigated his misconduct and that relief is warranted.” (Whatever that means).

    • AnotherPat says:

      Figured out how all who are interested can read Thompson’s Army Board of Correction Case:

      Go to this site:

      Scroll to CY2000.

      Scroll to AR200045890.

      It is a four page document.

    • Claw says:

      Hmmm, so what you’re saying is that although Joel Lynn Thompson’s urinalysis samples were so hot they had to be hand carried to the testing lab in a canteen cup, after 15 years of daily whining and letter writing the people at the Review Board got tired of his shit and issued Joel Lynn Thompson an Honorable DD256 just so Joel Lynn Thompson would shut up and leave them alone?

      Is that right?/smile

      • Graybeard says:

        Sounds about right. And given the fact that those who have had the intestinal fortitude to watch the video (above) have all testified to the negative impact it has upon their health and mental states, and the fact that I do not have to pee on the electric fence myself to find out for sure, I strongly suspect that Joel Lynn Thompson nauseated the board so greatly that they were desperate to get him away from them.

        I can neither confirm nor deny that the behavior of Joel Lynn Thompson is under review for classification as “cruel and unusual punishment crossing over into the realms of torture” and, if so classified, extreme measures may be authorized to cause such conduct to cease forever.

    • Hondo says:

      Saw your comment after I’d posted my similar one, AP. Great minds, etc . . . . (smile)

    • Green Thumb says:

      “General, Under Honorable Discharge” to “Honorable” = Shitbag.

  42. Joseph Williams says:

    Has anybody have a screen capture of what martial art and rank he is claiming ? If you do would you post him up at Put him in the YMAS (your martial arts suck) subforum. Thank You Joe

  43. Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

    I killed the video after 1:37 seconds. No I did not put a round thru the screen with my XDE single stack nine.

  44. Hack Stone says:

    His best friend died in his arms. I hope that it wasn’t Will Chamberlain, or The Round Ranger might get pissed that his BFF was two timing him. Anyway, Joel Thompson, this long distance dedication is just for you, so keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.

  45. Claw says:

    Well, Damnit, Joel “Ass Clown” Thompson, as of now you still fall a few (7) comments short of making it from the minors into the Big Show.

    Chalk up another failure in your lifetime. Couldn’t make it up to the same playing field as the Catfischer.

    Sorry, no parting gifts for you. Turn in your VFW pocket patch, stop making stupid ass videos and kindly GFY.

  46. Frankie Cee says:

    Having no valid argument, Poser Joel Thompson can only do elementary school name calling. He can’t even deny his phony claims. Just a run of the mill poser, ex convict, dope.

  47. Bret Clark says:

    He’s now claiming he gets a full pension.

  48. Green Thumb says:

    Still a loser.

  49. Terrance M. McCann says:

    Tell this 40K maggot to turn in his jock and his the shower.

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