Things You Can Say to Your Kids

| August 19, 2018

Things you can say to your kids /grandkids to bring order out of chaos:

Chocolate chips are meant for cookies. If you want chocolate chip cookies, I will help you make them.

There is more than one peanut butter and jam (or banana) sandwich in the world.

I told you that you were smart enough to do that arithmetic problem by yourself on paper.

No, sharing does not mean letting the dog/cat eat off your plate at the dinner table.

Popcorn is not a major food group. Make a better choice.

Of course I’ll let you make those cookies by yourself. I still want to be in the kitchen when you do that, because you always have questions.

I’m proud of everything you do, even if it’s silly.

One day a week without a (name the device) is like a vacation from school, isn’t it?

Well, if you spilled it, then you know how to clean it up, right? Come and tell me when you get it cleaned up.

You can always tell me the truth. I will still love you.

Category: "The Floggings Will Continue Until Morale Improves"

Comments (26)

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  1. AW1Ed says:

    Mrs. AW1Ed and I raised two sons; both are doing fine as adults in their chosen professions. As they were growing up, I simply could not think of enough things to tell them not to do.

    We all survived anyway.

  2. Thunderstixx says:

    With three daughters, I became a founding member of DADD, Dad’s Against Daughters Dating.
    Our motto, shoot the first one, word spreads fast…..
    Daughters are God’s way of getting back at you for all the stupid shit you pulled when you were chasing girls…

    • A Proud Infidel®™️ says:

      Seeing that I’m raising a Son, I tell him NOT TO say anything to a Girl that he wouldn’t want to hear a Guy say to him in either a locker room or jail.

    • USAFRetired says:

      Yes I have a Beautiful Daughter. I also have a gun, a shovel and an alibi.

  3. Club Manager, USA ret. says:

    Ex PH2, the kid in the sink sure has big ears. If he (?)had a small white tuff on his chest he cold pass for our Oliver. Difference is Oliver’s taste in wine is for expensive Champagne not a California red.

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      I found him that way one morning. I do not recall emptying that bottle of wine.

      Wait — that doesn’t sound quite the way I meant it.

  4. Roh-Dog says:

    I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it.
    Go play in traffic.
    Why are you hitting yourself?
    What is wrong with you?
    I don’t care IF you are bleeding, get blood on the carpet your knee will be the LEAST of your worries.
    What did you do to your brother that made him throw a brick at you?
    Did the Police Officer read you your Rights?
    Knives aren’t toys.
    Great. We’re being sued. What where you thinking?
    How many times have I told you to stay in the basement while we have company?

    • Ex-PH2 says:


      • desert says:

        My daughter was doing something, don’t remember now what it was, but I said, “stop acting stupid”….my son, nonchalantly said “she’s not acting”! Hard to be serious when you are cracking up LOL…;)

  5. Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

    I cannot comment since I never got married. I guess you can see why from those yolks and puns I put up. will be hitting the big 73 in 3 months.

  6. David says:

    Wait a minute! What’s that nonsense about popcorn? Next you’ll be saying pizza isn’t a balanced meal, or that chocolate cake isn’t breakfast?!

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      It’s easy to see that no one explained the five major food groups to you. Allow me:

      1 – Hot dogs, pizza, and cheeseburgers
      2 – French fries, pancakes and bacon
      3 – Ice cream, chocolate, cheesecake
      4 – Steak and ribs, also grilled fish
      5 – Onions, radishes and grape tomatoes

      Beer is a separate item.

      • 5th/77thFA says:

        Cold, canned, bottled, and kegged! Thought you had a deal with the furry ones? You stayed out of the cat nip and they stayed out of the wine cellar. What happened? Where did you go wrong?

        • Ex-PH2 says:

          It was a dark and stormy night. The wind howled around the chimney. The quarter moon barely shone through scudding clouds….

          There was a quarter wheel of cheese at stake. They held it for ransom. I had to choose between the cheese and the wine.

          Fortunately, I had more wine than cheese.

  7. Joe Williams says:

    That didn’t work for me with my parents. What makes you think that it will work on me? Joe

  8. AW1Ed says:

    In any household with children, there is a baseline noise level when the kiddies are happy, playing, and interacting. When this noise level drops into silence, the wise parent will investigate immediately, ’cause now the kiddies are up to no good.

    Every. Single. Time.

    Pretty much the same for E-3 and below.

    • 5th/77thFA says:

      Testify Brother. Growed a Blood Daughter, 3 steps (tho I didn’t refer to them as step daughters, treated them as if they were mine), and a step son, same for him. The girls had a memeo graph copy of “Daddy’s Rules that each and every young man that was considering calling on them had to read and acknowledge compliance of before the date. Lima Charlie on noise level, could always tell when there might be something going on. The male was raised to treat women with the utmost respect and courtesy of a Southern Gentleman, but was also educated to watch out for the snake headed ones. For the most part they all turned out good. Son was a Bradley Gunner with the 24th Mech in DS. They are all attempting to follow the same pattern with the Grands.

  9. OAE CPO USN Ret says:

    Pull my finger.

    • 2/17 Air Cav says:

      Advice given regularly, beginning at age age 9:

      “Be good and if you can’t be good, don’t get caught.”

      • SFC D says:

        My dad followed that up with “If you get caught, ask for a lawyer and get comfy. I’m not bailing your ass out until Monday morning. Why should my weekend be ruined by your stupidity?” I had no doubt he meant every word. Never tested it. Came close a few times, though!

  10. SFC D says:

    With my 14 y/o son, PTSD means “Put That Shit Down!”

  11. Anonymous says:

    Or, as some of us heard (from non-family, thankfully):

    “You little bastards better run– I’m NOT calling the cops!”

  12. HMC Ret says:

    “You can always tell me the truth. I will still love you.”

    One of the best things you can tell your children. Let them know there is always a safe place regardless.