You Know There’s Something Wonky When…

| September 16, 2018


I wrote this a while back, but now, it’s even better, ’cause fake news gets better all the time.

– you keep telling people you’re male/female and you’re straight, and they ask “Are you sure?”

–  you realize that some day, you’ll be able to use longhand (cursive) writing as a secret code.

– you wonder when in the blue-eyed world Common Sense took a vacation and didn’t tell you.

– the minute another Earth-type planet is announced, you start wondering if you could move there.

– the media people who use the suffix ‘-gate’ for every dumb idiot thing possible, including shutting down traffic lanes as a spiteful move, weren’t even alive when Richard Nixon got fired for his approval of the Watergate Hotel break-in.

– people think it’s okay to let illegal immigrants on welfare into this country and give them stuff, while legal immigrants spend almost forever achieving citizenship and become role models without sponging off taxpayers.

– you realize that your dog or cat is smarter and better educated than a lot of college grads you’ve met.

–  you go to a movie theater, see a ‘Gun Free Zone’ sign and decide to go home and watch the movie on Netflix or Amazon instead.

– people take selfies at accidents before they call emergency services, or they make up an offense that didn’t happen, call 911, and then get hammered for it instead of getting paid for it.

– a pregnant woman about to deliver her baby can’t cross the street to her hospital because some conceited politician’s cavalcade of cars won’t let her.

– criminals video themselves committing a crime and post it on YouTube, or people video the crime but don’t report it.

– the tabloids at the checkout line have fewer stupid stories than your newspaper.

– the only thing worth reading in your newspaper is the list of farmer’s market dates, the advice and horoscope columns,  and the comics.

– you’d rather watch shows on the Antenna TV network than the current offerings. “Leave It To Beaver” doesn’t seem so dumb nowadays.

– when the news comes on, you’ve already found more info online than the anchors have in front of them, and you know now that 3/4 of what they say is made up out of dust bunnies, soggy napkins and empty peanut butter jars.

– you find a news story on a foreign news service that says US troops had mustard gas launched at them, but nothing on the stateside news, and nobody does anything about it. Instead, it’s mustard gas lobbed by our troops at the Bad Guys and it’s Trump’s fault.

– the headline in the news, and two full minutes’ worth of media attention, is that a couple of overpaid so-so actors have decided to get a divorce because one of them can’t keep his pants zipped and his wick dry, but a gas or rocket attack on US troops gets 15 seconds of air time, if that.

– the TV weather forecaster says there’s a storm on the way to your area but it will break up before it reaches you, and 15 minutes later there’s a downpour on your street, and the rain lasts all day; and then the “weather reporters” show up after the rain is gone and post videos of themselves in ditches while people are walking behind them on concrete with water 1/2 inch deep.

– there are six different forecasts for the winter ahead, and you sincerely wish the weather people would just admit that they don’t really know.

– it takes longer to get through the security check-ins at airports than it does to fly or drive to your destination.

– some douchebag braindead media twit says it’s a good thing that a jihadist used explosives instead of guns in his efforts to kill people.

– a bunch of stank ass hippies and hyper-rich gasbags think that the population on this planet should be reduced from +/- 7 billion to about 1 billion, but when you say ‘you first’, they give you horrified looks and sputter in protest.

– you get an e-mail from your subscription service to an earthquake reporting group that says North Korea set off a nuke, creating a seismic event that registered 5.3M, with a 20 to 30 kiloton explosion, but it’s ignored by the media until they’re forced to acknowledge it.

– you wake up one morning and realize that the Cold War Triad (USA, China, Russia/USSR) has been revived and the threat of nuclear war has raised its ugly head again, but this time it includes Iran, Syria, Turkey and maybe North Korea (maybe not), and now you wonder if your friends with the underground bunker are really as nutty as you thought they were.

Those are just a few items. I’m sure you all have more.

Category: "Teh Stoopid", "The Floggings Will Continue Until Morale Improves"

Comments (26)

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  1. Peter_Olinto says:

    Great post. The 2nd and the 5th are my favorites. It wasn’t the Watergate-gate scandal…you can’t use gate as a suffix without including the whole name of the hotel.

  2. 26Limabeans says:

    They survey and mark the road surface for repair every Spring. By Fall the markings are gone and no repairs have taken place.

    The store is having a “going out of business forever” sale. Forever.

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      Are their prices good?

      • 26Limabeans says:

        It’s a furniture store.
        They all go out of business only to have a “grand reopening” when the new truckload arrives after paying off the previous load from the “sale”.

        “Are their prices good?”

        Well, they do go out of business a lot.

  3. 5th/77thFA says:

    All of the above. Is it sad or scary? Or is it the fact that it will just keep getting worse? Or, maybe, because there doesn’t seem to be a damn thing we, as individuals, can do about it? Can only continue to secure Peace thru Superior Fire Power inside your own individual AO. Good post Ex, keep reminding us to stay on our toes.

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      Sometimes it seems like it gets worse, and at other times, it seems to level off. And I haven’t figure out yet if the tension in the news is real or created by the media to get an audience.

      The inherent problem is the hyperbole is that story about the kid crying “Wolf!” until no one believe him. If they insist on getting us wound up, when the real S**T hits the fan, a lot of people will tune them out.

      • 5th/77thFA says:

        Yes’am. That whole yellow journalism thing we’ve talked about before on this site. Lie, gossip, insinuation , sex, shock, embellish, cheating, ect ect. Gotta remember who started the 24 hour news. More importantly, gotta remember that traitorous bitch from hell he was married to. Gotta remember us great unwashed masses/deplorables are too stupid to figure out things for ourselves. A great race to the bottom was started by all of the news media years ago. Sadly, can’t blame them for thinking we are so stupid. We keep re-electing the same sleazy scumbags term after term. Eternally Vigilant.

  4. 26Limabeans says:

    “– you’d rather watch shows on the Antenna TV”

    That’s all I have here. Two stations until they added a third last week. Stupid crap like “Family Dad” and infomercials. I wanna beat that guy to death with his copper ware.
    And the latest suicide saw from Torx. The teenage acne one brings back fond memories of a girlfriend and that self storing garden hose is real hoot.

  5. Roger in Republic says:

    Bad news EX-PH2, One of my grand daughters graduated from high school last spring and she can’t read or write cursive. The no longer teach it because “it’s too hard and only old people use it anymore’. On the other hand her texts to me might as well have been sent by a Navajo code talker.

    • Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

      Roger in Republic; Glad you brought up cursive writing. My penmanship was really sloppy so I took to print everything I wrote except my signature which I have tried to improve after signing my name so fast on customer receipts when I worked at Brink’s as an on and off Messenger between driver and guard. It was get in and out fast so I wrote my signature fast which became sloppy over the years. Now retired since 2007, I have slowed down signing my name on checks and other things which require a signature. Last year, I was in Staples and bought the Childrens book on cursive writing to get back to the art but I only got up to the letter D and stopped. Next thing I bought through mail order was the Theory of Spencerian Penmanship in nine lessons which consisted of 6 books. Original books of the nine lessons were printed back in 1874 but I got the re prints and after looking at the first book for 30 seconds, they went into the cabinet. This type of penmanship is different than what we in the over 70 crowd learned in elementary school.

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      Roger, you have my sympathy. I’m not sure any of them are able to speak, read or understand standard English. And I blame the entire school system for that.

      What if they want to go into the military and they can’t read standard English? That means they can’t follow plain English written instructions. Epic fail. I’d blame the school systems and DofE for all of that.

      • desert says:

        Blame the NEA, then blame the colleges and then all the other schools for following the communist manifesto! ELIMINATE THE NEA…we don’t need the communist bas-ards!

    • Poetrooper says:

      Your granddaughter proves the accuracy of Ex’s observation that we can now use cursive writing as code.

      I confess that I left the Army fifty years ago no longer able to write in cursive due to my extensive service in commo positions where everything had to be printed.

  6. rgr769 says:

    Actually, the Watergate was not a hotel; it was an apartment or condo complex and office building. Also, there was never any evidence Nixon expressly approved the Watergate break-in, but his underlings were the ones who ordered it. Nixon was impeached because of the irrefutable proof he and his WH staff were the initiators of the cover-up conspiracy.

    • rgr769 says:

      I did some quick research and I correct myself. The Watergate is a complex of five buildings, one of which has a hotel. The building with the hotel and office complex is where the DNC office was burgled to plant a listening device.

      • Ex-PH2 says:

        It might have been more accurate if I had said that Nixon approved OF the break-in. He knew about it, because Hunt and (I think, or whoever it was) Dean told him what they were going to do, and he did approve OF it.

        • rgr769 says:

          I wouldn’t believe anything John Dean said even if he was standing on a stack of Bibles in a thunderstorm while holding a lightning rod.

        • rgr769 says:

          You might want to do some research on this because I can’t find any evidence that Nixon knew in advance of the break-in. John Mitchell likely is the highest the approval likely went. The federal prosecutor of the Watergate 7 didn’t believe Nixon knew of it before it went down. The tapes show Nixon seemed surprised when he first was informed about it. None of those prosecuted offered evidence the President knew in advance or ordered it. I am not saying he did not know, but there is no time relevant evidence to prove he did.

    • desert says:

      But Nixon at least had the decency and honor to resign, unlike the pedophile asshole bubba the pervert clinton!! imho Not only that, but had this not happened, Nixon was going to go after that other asshole Fairy Kerry! too bad he didn’t!

  7. Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

    Of course if it was a dem pOTUS, it wouldn’t be a big deal.

    P.S. Small first letters on dem and potus were left out on purpose. I thought that it was a Capital idea with no pun intended.

  8. HMC Ret says:

    “…– you go to a movie theater, see a ‘Gun Free Zone’ sign, go inside and watch a 2 hour movie in which 74 people are shot.”

    Very excellent posting, PH.

  9. CDR_D says:

    Another classic from Ex-PH2! I’m cutting and pasting to my keeper file.

  10. Deplorable B Woodman says:

    I go to the movies, and see the “No Guns” sign, and go in anyway. If I don’t tell, they won’t know.