Jose Cotto – Fake Navy SEAL

| September 17, 2018 | 62 Comments

The folks at Military Phony sent us their work on this fellow – Jose Francisco Cotto – who claims he was a Navy SEAL.

Jose’s Facebook profile oozes with the claims of Navy SEAL.

So does his bling…

Jose claims he was in the Navy from 1983 – 1998.

Oddly, he claims he was in BUD/S class 173 in 1982 on the UDT SEAL Museum page.

Unless ‘1982’ was a typo, this would have him being in BUD/S while he was still on Delayed Entry in 1982.

The National Personnel Records Center shows an alternative version of Jose’s career.

Cotto’s official military records show 1982 – 1985, slightly less than 3 years, vs. the 1983 – 1998 that he claimed.  He had a hospital stay and was discharged soon after.  Difficult to believe he was on TDRL for fourteen years – the limit is five years.

In any case, Jose’s records DO NOT list any SEAL training (BUD/S) or show him as being attached to any SEAL Teams.  Jose served during a time when others wouldn’t.  As is all too often the case with people who embellish their service record it appears that his time in the military ended prematurely.

Category: Fake SEAL, Navy

Comments (62)

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  1. NHSparky says:

    Those are some cute Sally Jesse Raphael glasses he has on.

    And yeah, I’ll say it first: fucking ate a seal, maybe. Or blew one.

  2. Sapper3307 says:

    Meal Team 6 reporting!

  3. Seal, just from pic’s I’d say possibly a elephant seal ( a whale seal has never been identified yet).

  4. OAE CPO USN Ret says:

    There’s a joke about cotto salami just begging to be written.

  5. chooee lee says:

    Looks like he never missed chow call

  6. Combat Historian says:

    I’m sure his “real records” are stashed in a underground vault somewhere below the Pentagon to ensure his safety and anonymity…///

  7. Doc Savage says:

    Another survivor of the “Battle of Golden Corral”…..the only other survivor that made it through the battle untouched was the salad bar.

  8. Ex-PH2 says:

    The only seal he’s ever had anything to do with is the one he has to break getting up off a chair on a hot, sweaty day.

    Oh, sorry – that was kinda mean of me. My bad.

  9. JTB says:

    He can likely make a good “SeaL” with those lips…Around what I will not speculate….

  10. Daisy Cutter says:

    I’m willing to bet that he knows a man in Thailand with a wooden cock.

    And… he saw two whales f#@k.

  11. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    I thinks it’s time we all made an assumption that everyone whoever served in the Navy was a SEAL.

  12. Keepin' It Real says:

    OK, so he didn’t go to BUD/S, but he did see both “Zero Dark Thirty” and “Lone Survivor” and imagined what it would be like.

  13. Comm Center Rat says:

    Looks like he was running and gunning across America’s mall food courts for “15” years to gain his impressive jowls. Now the “weight” of his many battles has fleshed him out to elephant seal girth.

  14. bim says:

    Operations Specialist: Isn’t that what they used to call a radar operator? Big difference between that and a Special Operator.

    So, he claims to be an OS attached to TEAM 3. Yup, sounds legit. I’m sure that happens all the time.

  15. sbalm says:

    From what I’m able to gather, BUD/S class 173 graduated in 1991.

    Jose Cotto did not even do his research.

  16. Tallywhagger says:

    Good lawd, he look jis lik’a hawg!

  17. Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

    Holy shit, what a start for this Monday morning with a phony Seal at the TAH starting gate.

  18. MCPO NYC USN Ret. says:

    BUD/S Class 173 was not in 82 or 83 … but we already knew that!

    • 5th/77thFA says:

      THIS IS NOT A REPLY TO THE CHIEF’S POST!!!!!!! This is an urgent notice to NOT look at Skyjumper’s link!! If you think Beach Bimbo Bradley was bad, then BE YE WARNED. You CANNOT unsee this image. Oh, and Jose Cotto, is not and has never been a Navy SEAL, and did not have honorable service in the US Navy.

  19. Skyjumper says:

    He really was a Navy SEAL.

    That’s just a “fat Suit” he wears to throw off the bad guys he encountered that are still looking for him when he was running & gunning as a frogman in never to be disclosed secret squirrel missions.

    Here’s a pic I found of him sans clothes wearing the aforementioned suit.

    http://vvdfx.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/IMG_0701-X2.jpg

  20. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    Did he suffer a blow to the head, he looks like he’s not wound too tightly in those photos. He definitely looks in all those photos like he could be diagnosed on the spectrum for retards (apologies to actual mentally challenged individuals).

    The thing that sucks about a turd like this, is that whenever I see anyone obviously no longer serving but wearing military gear/memorabilia I wonder if they’re being honest or just another full of shit wanker looking for free shit or discounts.

    • Hondo says:

      I’m also wondering if he wasn’t discharged for “headspace and timing” issues, too. Looks like he went to the Hospital in 1985, stayed a week, and was in a “holding status” for about long enough for a Med Board to approve his discharge (couple of months).

      I also find it kinda odd that he didn’t move back to PR after discharge, but is now in the Harrisburg PA area. That area isn’t exactly known for its mild winters, and it’s been my experience that most who grew up in warm-weather climates don’t really ever learn to like cold winter weather.

    • rgr769 says:

      I met a guy last week at a veteran’s BBQ who claimed he served with the 93rd Marines at Chu Lai. Since I served there in 1971, I did a little research. First, there was no 93rd anything that was U.S. Marine Corps and based in Chu Lai, RVN. Second, all Marine units were replaced with Army units in 1967. Moreover, the guy in question looked to be about 60 years old. Oh, and yes, the food was free for vets.

    • Berliner says:

      In for 4 years discharged before 3 years after a brief hospital stay. I’m leaning toward rectal trauma caused by his head being up his own ass.

      The loss of oxygen caused brain damage leading him to believe he was a mammal residing in the ocean. Specifically he assumed the identity of an Elephant Seal, also known as the “Earless Seal”. Note in his pictures his ears are miniscule.

      The Elephant Seal, genus (not to be confused as genius) Mirounga.

  21. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    JOSE COTTO may have blown a seal…
    JOSE COTTO may have eaten a seal…

    BUT… JOSE COTTO was NEVER A SEAL!

    • thebesig says:

      Jose Cotto was never a Navy SEAL, for Google posterity. Did he mean that he played the role of a seal by balancing a ball on his nose while clapping fake flippers and saying, “Arf, arf, arf,”?

  22. devildog-65/85 says:

    The line about being ‘TDRL’ and 5yr limit can happen. The TDRL serviceman has to have a medical review, and exam every 5 yrs. To stay on the TDRL list.
    I worked as Computer Programmer on the Retired Pay system at Marine Finance Center in Kansas City back in the 70’s.

    • PTBH says:

      Good point. Yes, going on and off active duty to string together consecutive TDRLs was considered but ruled out because no active duty showed up after 1985.

      Even DoN provided a ‘NO RECORDS’ response after a FOIA request was sent to them to cover the period of Cotto’s claim to 1998.

      Always a chance that extended service through multiple TDRLs could have been under the radar but the fact that there was nothing to support him being a SEAL was emphasized more.

  23. Atkron says:

    Dumbfuck…why’s it always the dumbfucks?

  24. Daisy Cutter says:

    Jose cleaned up his Facebook page a little bit.

    https://www.facebook.com/jose.cotto.1213986

    Got rid of the service claims of 1983-98. Still has SEAL bling photos up, however.

  25. Carlton G. Long says:

    That pic with the faux turtleneck … all he needs is a push broom mustache and he could sell Liberty Medical to help manage your diabeetus.

  26. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Jose Francisco Cotto WAS NEVER A US Navy SEAL.
    Jose Francisco Cotto looks like a highly experienced MEAL Team Six Buffet Assault Commando.
    Jose Francisco Cotto looks like he couldn’t handle even one flight of stairs without having a coronary failure.
    Jose Francisco Cotto looks like he’d get exhausted just standing behind the counter of a “Stop and Rob” convenience store.
    Jose Francisco Cotto looks like he’s VERY allergic to work.
    Jose Francisco Cotto is rumored to enjoy sniffing toilet seats in highway rest areas when he’s not trolling for dates.
    Jose Francisco Cotto couldn’t make it as an Apprentice Towel Boy at Brucie’s Bath House (Entrance in Rear).
    Jose Francisco Cotto looks like he enjoys blowing winos behind bus stops for spare change.
    Jose Francisco Cotto has a look on his face like HE SHOULD NOT be left around children and teens.
    Jose Francisco Cotto might have been put out of the USN for bed wetting.
    Jose Francisco Cotto looks like one who creeps around in public restrooms.
    Jose Francisco Cotto is a legend unto himself.
    Jose Francisco Cotto has scars from his last trip to the beach when he floated out too far and got harpooned by a boat load of Japanese Tourists.
    Jose Francisco Cotto also resembles a Blobfish, is he also a cheese guzzler?
    Jose Francisco Cotto only seved a little less than three years in the US Navy.
    Jose Cotto looks like he’s also a Brony.
    Jose Cotto can’t burp with all those chins because it would start a ripple.
    Jose Cotto is so fat his farts are measured on the Richter Scale.
    Jose Cotto once wore a yellow rainsuit and had people running up behind him yelling “TAXI!”.
    Jose Cotto looks like he has raided many a surplus store and website when he wasn’t blowing winos behind bus stops or doing tricks behind The Blue Oyster.
    Jose Francisco Cotto has enough blubber on him to feed an Eskimo Village for two years.
    Jose Francisco Cottois about to find out about The Power of Google®.

    Google®™ be with you Jose Francisco Cotto, THE INTERNET IS FOREVER, hear that, Jose Francisco Cotto?

    Commo Checks are appreciated.
    ((((OVER))))

    • 26Limabeans says:

      Lima Charlie above the DMZ

    • Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

      Roger Dodger API

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      Commo Checks are usually done by repeating the message like this:

      Jose Francisco Cotto WAS NEVER A US Navy SEAL.
      Jose Francisco Cotto looks like a highly experienced MEAL Team Six Buffet Assault Commando.
      Jose Francisco Cotto looks like he couldn’t handle even one flight of stairs without having a coronary failure.
      Jose Francisco Cotto looks like he’d get exhausted just standing behind the counter of a “Stop and Rob” convenience store.
      Jose Francisco Cotto looks like he’s VERY allergic to work.
      Jose Francisco Cotto is rumored to enjoy sniffing toilet seats in highway rest areas when he’s not trolling for dates.
      Jose Francisco Cotto couldn’t make it as an Apprentice Towel Boy at Brucie’s Bath House (Entrance in Rear).
      Jose Francisco Cotto looks like he enjoys blowing winos behind bus stops for spare change.
      Jose Francisco Cotto has a look on his face like HE SHOULD NOT be left around children and teens.
      Jose Francisco Cotto might have been put out of the USN for bed wetting.
      Jose Francisco Cotto looks like one who creeps around in public restrooms.
      Jose Francisco Cotto is a legend unto himself.
      Jose Francisco Cotto has scars from his last trip to the beach when he floated out too far and got harpooned by a boat load of Japanese Tourists.
      Jose Francisco Cotto also resembles a Blobfish, is he also a cheese guzzler?
      Jose Francisco Cotto only seved a little less than three years in the US Navy.
      Jose Cotto looks like he’s also a Brony.
      Jose Cotto can’t burp with all those chins because it would start a ripple.
      Jose Cotto is so fat his farts are measured on the Richter Scale.
      Jose Cotto once wore a yellow rainsuit and had people running up behind him yelling “TAXI!”.
      Jose Cotto looks like he has raided many a surplus store and website when he wasn’t blowing winos behind bus stops or doing tricks behind The Blue Oyster.
      Jose Francisco Cotto has enough blubber on him to feed an Eskimo Village for two years.
      Jose Francisco Cottois about to find out about The Power of Google®.

      Google®™ be with you Jose Francisco Cotto, THE INTERNET IS FOREVER, hear that, Jose Francisco Cotto?

      ((((OVER))))
      That multiplies the Google®™ hits very nicely.

  27. rgr769 says:

    Yay! Maybe we are now back to our once a week phony SEAL rate of Navy POSing frequency. Impressive is this one’s true story of “service.” Made to the lofty rank of E-2 before he got sick/injured and sent home.

    Query to the squids here, what is a Battle “E” ribbon? Cuz the only battle Jose Cotto appears to have encountered is the one at the one at the all-you-can-eat buffet.

    • Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

      If I remember rgr769, the Battle E ribbon was for efficency while at battle stations and a certain % of performance had to be met to be awarded. If I remeber, while I was on the OKIE 3, we had 3 Battle E’s which were patches sewn onto the arm sleeves of our dress uniforms. First “E” was the cotton patch with the E on it and if any more were awarded, there were hash marks below the E. Each Dept. E’S were different colors IE Engineering were red, Aviation were green and Deck/ops were white. If anyone can add to what I probally missed since it was during 63-66 that I was on board.

      • rgr769 says:

        I did some wiki research. It is now apparently an award to a crew for battle stations efficiency tests and is awarded to the entire ship’s crew. It is now a ribbon only award to the crew of the ship at the time of the testing resulting in the award. Guess it is sort of like the Presidential Unit Citation ribbons of the Army.

  28. Green Thumb says:

    Another fat shitbag.

  29. Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

    To make my above comment clear, at the time I was on the OKIE 3, (63-66) there were no ribbons at that time, just the sewn on patches I mentioned.

  30. Deplorable B Woodman says:

    He has his own song, from back in the day. “Welcome Back Cotto”

    “Welcome back,
    Your dreams were your ticket out,
    Welcome back……”

  31. Daisy Cutter says:

    From Jose Cotto’s hospital bed in 1985:

    JOSE: Doc, be honest with me. With my current medical situation, what are my chances of becoming a Navy SEAL.

    DOCTOR: About what they were before your medical condition.

    JOSE: There are so many things I’ve dreamed about doing.

    DOCTOR: In civilian life, you can be whatever you want to be, even a Navy SEAL.

    JOSE: Can I be Lady Gaga?

    DOCTOR: Who’s Lady Gaga?

    JOSE: I think I’m ahead of my time.

    DOCTOR: I think so, too. In thirty years, you can self-identify with whomever you choose and it may be well accepted.

    JOSE: Wow, that’s a lot to take in. Thanks, Doc.

    DOCTOR: The important thing for all of us is that in a few weeks, you’ll be out of here and gone. Nobody will me more happy about that than you… and me.

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