Secret Squirrel Code Talkers

| October 12, 2018

I have been fascinated by Secret Squirrel Code Talk for a long time. In fact, it is so fascinating that I wondered if it was even vaguely possible to develop a new Secret Squirrel Code to throw off the Bad Guys, whether they are Splodeydopes or 6-limbed critters with a third eye in the middle of their foreheads. (It’s for aiming the megalaser guns they stole from the Fleet factory on Dionysius 11B Central.)

So I worked on it for a while, and came up with a few things, and then realized that there are amazingly talented people in the TAH viewing audience who can quite easily create Secret Squirrel Code Talk in a heartbeat.

Here’s my contribution for starters.

Note to Chef d’Équipe:

We’re ordering 30 pounds of onions, 30 pounds of potatoes and 4 cartons of tabasco for dinner

Translation: we’re dropping 30 bumpers of conventional bombs and 15 MOABs plus 4 incendiary bombing runs

Is there any smell with those onions? Negative. We provide only the best materials when we have dinner guests.

Translation: are any of those bombs loaded with nerve gas or chemicals? Negative. All are non-chem and clean.


5 lb potatoes – all red, no russets – carpet bombing 5 runs

5 bottles of McIlhenny hot sauce – incendiary bombing 5 runs

Cooking spray – 6 cartons – 6 squads of fighter-bombers or for land forces, 6 brigades of heavy artillery-based infantry

Who’s jumping out of the cake at the end?  Yo mama! – Nuke mines are planted and primed. Get the hell out of that valley now.

= = = = =

Now it’s your turn, and it does not have to involve food. It could be beer or whiskey, volcanoes, fishing expeditions – you name it, it’s good.

I’m a strong believer in full, front participation in these War Games quizlets, so have a good time.

No, I don’t know where Waldo is, either, but if you take a hint, he might be up the street at Joe’s Bar & Grille. Remember, somebody might be listening! They may only look like the sparrows next door.

Category: "Truth or fiction?", Usual Suspects

Comments (21)

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  1. Love it. You have a Sbaros pizzaria next door??

  2. Doc Savage says:

    I dont think I want seconds on ‘taters….can I arrange to have them sent to my ex-wife?

  3. Skyjumper says:

    (Call to Norm Abrahm (This Old House))

    “Hey Norm!”

    “Myself and four other helpers will be coming over to your project at 1:15 pm with the 5 pounds of nails, 4 blow torches and 2 bags of concrete that you ordered. Make sure that you all have your hardhats on.

    If you need a clean-up crew, let me know.”

    We will be sending five carpet bomb runs, followed by four napalm drops and finishing up with two MOABs.

    Have your men keep their heads down and under cover, it’s going to be a blast!

    If you need additional mop-up support, radio me.

  4. FuzeVT says:

    To speak in code to a lefty all you have to do is say, “Trump is doing a great job.” At that point, the wailing and screaming begins and they won’t hear anything you say after that.

  5. David says:

    “I’m a strong believer in full, front participation” – there are so many here who are glad you are going full frontal.

  6. OC says:

    You crack me up Ex, thanks for the laugh.

  7. 26Limabeans says:

    I was not arty but listened to quite a bit of radio chatter concerning fire missions and ocassionally heard HE refered to as Ham and Eggs.

  8. Slow Joe says:

    I don’t like this type of code talk. It is not clear, concise and to the point, as required by military doctrine.

    I see too major problems with it. It can be easily understood by the enemy, and easily misunderstood by friendlies.

    I say we keep using frequency hop and cypher text over secure nets.

  9. AW1Ed says:

    Back in the day, Navy fliers came up with the “Falcon Code” to express observations and comment on the numerous evolutions encountered while flying missions in military aircraft. I believe it predates the term “Blue Falcon” but the meaning is not lost in the code. The Brits picked up on the Falcon Code pretty quickly, and added their one stamp to the mix. Without further ado,

    The Falcon Code

    Usage: typically via voice radio or ICS, e.g. ‘Falcon one one five.’

    Code Meaning
    1 Sheeeeit!
    10 Shit Hot!
    100 If CAG saw that, he’d shit!
    101 You’ve gotta be shitting me!
    102 Get off my fucking back!
    103 Beats the shit outta me
    104 WTFO
    105 It’s so fuckin’ bad, I can’t believe it!
    106 I hate this fuckin’ place
    107 This place sucks
    108 Fuck you very much
    109 That gawd damned SOB
    110 Beautiful, just fuckin’ beautiful
    111 Here comes another fuckin’ CAG brainstorm
    112 BFD (Big Fuckin’ Deal)
    113 Let me talk to that SOB
    114 Get your shit together!
    115 You bet your sweet ass
    116 Fuck it
    117 I love you so much I could just shit!
    118 WETSU
    119 Get this aircraft out of Delta; it has more fuckin’ down gripes than the USS Arizona.
    120 That’s a no-no
    121 That gawd damned O-Club
    122 You piss me off!
    123 Fuck off, mate
    124 FUBAR
    135 Adios, Motherfucker
    136 If you ask me for a low pass one more time, you’re not gonna get launched for a week!
    137 You may NOT have any fuckin’ fuel!
    139 I have a prostate over-pressure light
    140 COMEX, motherfucker
    141 That motherfuckin’ CIC is dreaming again
    142 The fuckin’ helos are all fucked up.
    143 It’s the Air Boss’s fault
    202 You may not like the fuckin’ staff, but the staff likes fuckin’ you!
    221 Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!
    223 Get your head out of your ass
    224 You say ‘I don’t know’ one more time and I’m gonna shove a sonobuoy up your ass!
    225 You must have shit for brains!
    226 Would you like a kick in the ass to help you get airborne?
    227 What does it take to get a clearance out of this fuckin’ place’
    228 Just fly the bus and leave the ASW to us
    229 You’re so fuckin’ stupid, you’re a menace to society
    230 This bastard has more downing gripes than the USS Arizona
    231 Comments and recommendations, my ass
    232 Just out of curiosity, NAV, where the hell are we’
    269 Excuse me, but you have obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a shit!
    500 Those fuckin’ carrier pukes!
    600 Those fuckin’ ASW pukes
    641 Hang it in your ear
    700 Fuckin’ grunts
    728 If I hear ‘CV concept’ one more time, I’m gonna shit
    750 That fucker runs like a well-oiled machine
    775 Your old lady wears Boondockers
    800 I love this so much I could just shit
    901 If this is such a fuckin’ good deal, send Crew Two
    902 If I called for shit, you’d come sliding in on a shovel
    1000 Cool it, the Chaplain’s here
    3000 Hay for my horses, whiskey for my crew, and a plate of flies for my toad
    3001 He’s so light, he’s a menace to aviation
    3003 He hasn’t had his lobotomy yet

  10. DaveP. says:

    “Due to the danger of the Germans intercepting our signals, an elaborate code had been devised. For instance, if Battery A telephoned headquarters and said, ‘Send up two packs of cigarettes’; it meant that Battery A had run out of smokes and was on the bum again.”

    Charles MacArthur, “War Bugs”.