Total revenue from Coffee Sales at TAH

| February 11, 2019

I thought it would be helpful to publish the revenue report from TAH coffee sales.


Not a week goes by that we don’t get asked to sell coffee for one of the 30,000 not for profit veteran charities.   We don’t sell coffee, Jonn did not sell coffee, Dave does not sell coffee, the Soviet does not sell coffee, and Ex-PH2 can barely brew coffee.

Imagine what its like to get these requests.  I don’t want to support anything on TAH that we haven’t looked into.  I ask most of these people to provide me with a list and the amount of money they have contributed to veteran causes and usually all I get back is crickets.

Can anyone out there please explain what the fascination with selling coffee for veteran causes is all about.  I drink Folgers as a general rule but the Soviet may bring home a can of floor sweepings now and then if its on sale.

I hope the entire veteran coffee industry does not fall apart because we don’t sell “Clusterphuk Grounds” or some other nonsense around here.

If you want to help fund us just click on the Donate Button and I promise we won’t send you shit.  You will get nothing for contributing to us.   Nada, Zip, Zilch, will come your way.  The best part is we include shipping and handling for free.

I have nothing against those of you that are light in the loafers java sippers.  Just stop asking me to prance around pretending I give a shit about what kind of coffee you have.

Category: "Teh Stoopid", Administrative, Dumbass Bullshit, Exploitation

Comments (55)

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  1. LC says:

    Apparently all the money is in scar cream anyway…

  2. Martinjmpr says:

    Unfortunately Veterans are the new “Cancer Kids.” It’s a depressingly common business scheme.

    Step 1: Find a cause no human with a heart could oppose

    Step 2: Sell some product people are likely going to buy anyway, but add a mark-up for your “cause.”

    (If people are reluctant to buy, shame them by saying “Oh, I guess you don’t care about the kids with cancer/abandoned cute puppies/baby harp seals/22-a-day veterans, huh?” Then glower at them mercilessly until they cave.)

    Step 3: Donate “a portion” of the proceeds to said cause

    Step 4: Profit!

    The only scam bigger than this is to “raise awareness.”

    “Raising awareness” is the ultimate scam because it doesn’t actually require you to give any portion of the donations to the people you are purportedly helping.

    Sad to say, but cynical marketers have been able to cash in on some kind of subliminal guilt that people have for not serving in the military themselves with all these “veterans charities.”

    • Daisy Cutter says:

      What I hate is the local police and firefighter’s fund. Is your house on the “skip on by” list if you don’t donate?

  3. JURRASSICHM says:

    The only thing worse than a wine snob is a coffee snob.

    • jonp says:

      Got that right. Black Rifle Coffee is pretty good but in our house it’s usually Folgers.
      On the road any Dunkin Donuts will do.

    • NHSparky says:

      Because those 50 lb. cans of coffee on the boat were so fucking tasty.

      It was made out of like one huge bean, carried by Juan Valdez and his burro coming across the I-95 bridge out of Groton.

      So if I brought a pound of decent shit underway once in a while, sue me!

  4. Daisy Cutter says:

    I’d like to make a motion to have the treasurer’s report entered into the record.

  5. AW1Ed says:

    Navy mid-watch coffee is not drunk for the flavor. It is consumed for the effect.I found many a commie submarine on those all night burners with the help of mid-watch coffee and Marlboros.

    • 26Limabeans says:

      Geeze, I thought you were going to push the pinch of salt thing again.

      • AW1Ed says:

        A Flight Engineer or the Ordie got the pot perking while the operators and Os were getting our mission brief. Where do you suppose I got the idea?

  6. Ex-PH2 says:

    Despite Dave Hardin’s slovenly view, I do not brew coffee. I got out of that duty by stealth, brains and knowing what a bunch of lazy schlubs worked in the B&W Print Division at the Naval Photographic Center, which has since been replaced by a Den of CIA paranoid cranks and crackpots.

    The coffee that I made on that one and only occasion could have peeled the paint off a Sherman tank and eroded holes in the plate armor.

    I have never touched espresso or esperanto or whatever it is, and never will. I would rather step on a loaded field mine.

    I make tea. Strong and corrosive black tea, hot or cold (with lemon), but tea and only tea.

    Hmmm…. maybe I should offer to make coffee for those spyguys squatting on my old workspace.

  7. SFC D says:

    I am my own favorite veteran’s charity. Send me $5.00, and in return, I will send you a personalized, hand-written thank you note.

  8. Wilted Willy says:

    My state website has a check a charity link, just plug in the name of the bogus charity and whammo, you have an instant link to their financial report to the state that says exactly how much they have given to the Whack-A-Mole hospice fund! It really is fun to screw them with facts!!
    Try it sometime, it really is a lot of fun!!

  9. 26Limabeans says:

    Around here every warehouse, mill and chicken barn has been turned into a micro brewery. I even saw a distillery in an old machine shop the other day.
    “tool and die Rye”

  10. Tallywhagger says:

    I like the idea of ball caps in respect of Jonn’s Battalion, Brigade, Platoon, Squad or similarly themed idea.

  11. Skyjumper says:

    Great idea!
    We could call it “TAH-DAH!!”……bold full flavored beans with a bit of impetulance.

    Well Hell, they are already selling “TAH” coffee mugs on the interweb!

    Imagine now, if you would, hoisting a TAH mug containing contents of mega caffine coffee(or bourbon, whiskey or scotch) while reading this blog. ‘Course alcohol being blown thru ones nose during a “spew alert” might smart a bit.

    For you viewing edification:

  12. Keepin' It Real says:

    If I buy my coffee from Starbucks, I think I’m allowing kids to have clean water in Carjackistan.

    I think I’m also avoiding exploitive techniques subjected by third-world non-union coffee-pickers.

    Not to mention the fact that I never ask for a plastic straw that may end up in some sea turtle’s belly.

    Hell, I’m saving the world all by my damn self.

    • Ret_25X says:

      starbucks, the single greatest exploiter of central american labor since President Wilson. Starbucks likes to exploit labor so much, they import the labor for domestic exploitation.

      also, you using a straw has nothing to do with straws ending up in sea creatures. No, that is your ever so wise and all knowing coastal states allowing trash dumping straight into the ocean (as long as it isn’t near THEIR beach).

  13. Hack Stone says:

    So, if the Director Of Media Relations Of a proud but humble woman owned business that sells software to the federal government were to approach you about selling some software, would that be a yes?

  14. MCPO NYC USN Ret. says:

    If we do sell coffee, I have names:

    Breakfast Blend: “Drop you cocks and grab you socks”

    Medium Roast: “God Daaaaaamit”

    Full Flavored: “Sludge Muckers Choice”

  15. Hack Stone says:

    Hack Stone received one of this robocalls seeking a donation to help our “needy veterans”. The robot droned on with his sales pitch, then asked Hack how much is willing to donate? Hack asked asked “How much actually goes to the veteran?” Robot responds “That’s a good question, let me transfer you to to my supervisor.” The conversation went something like this:

    Supervisor starts her sales pitch, same as the robot.

    Hack Stone: So how much goes to the veteran?

    Supervisor: That’s a good question!

    (No shit, Hack Stone only asks good questions)

    Eventually she say answers.

    Supervisor: No less than 10%.

    Hack Stone: Do the veterans ever get MORE than 10%?

    Supervisor: That’s a good question.

    (See above comment)

    She then says Hack can go to their website at Hack tells her he does not have access to his computer, and as a supervisor shouldn’t she already know.

    Hack Stone: So, I can give you one dollar, and you will pass on ten cents to a veteran; or, I can give a veteran 25 cents directly, he gets 250% more than he would get from you, and I can save myself 75%.

    Supervisor hems and haws, so Hack goes for the kill.

    Hack Stone: So, how much do you donate to needy veterans?

    Supervisor: I can’t disclose that.

    Hack Stone: So, you don’t give a fuck about veterans?

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      Thank you, Hack!!

      They hate it when you do that to them, you know.

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      Whenever I get a call like that, I proselytize The Great Flying Spaghetti Monster to them until they cuss and hang up, my personal best is just under ten seconds!

      • AW1Ed says:

        The goal is to keep them on the hook for as long as possible. I usually say something like, “Can you hold? I’ll be right back.” Put them on hold and go about my business.

        • The Stranger says:

          See, I at least have the decency to serenade them with my rendition of “Wichita Lineman”, a la Homer Simpson!

    • A Terminal Lance Coolie says:

      Excellent questions and a sobering response, Hack.

      @API, is there any other religion worth proselytizing over?

      I tell them that any money I have already goes to a needy veteran (me). I don’t have enough laying around right now to sort out someone else’s problem. And, assuming I did, I’m not giving it to whichever clown has discovered my phone number to solicit me. See Hack’s conversation for my reason why.

      It’s scary how many people get taken advantage of by these organizations. They’re for-profit, and don’t do what they claim to do to get your money.

      • SFC D says:

        I have a 14 y/o with both of his hands in my wallet. Now he’s learned about tax deductions and figures he’s owed part of my tax refund. I need a go-fund-me page, he’s draining the gun and jeep parts fund.

        • The Stranger says:

          My advice would be to remind said 14 year old that, under the provisions of the “We Feed You Act”, he has the right to sit down and shut up.🤣💰

  16. jonp says:

    All kidding aside, you can donate whenever you buy something from Amazon by using Amazon Smiles. Ebay does something like that too, I think. Just pick a charity of your choice and that’s it. Whenever you buy something part of the purchase price is donated.
    I give to Team Rubicon, Veterans helping people all over the world in disaster areas.

  17. ghostrider_oz says:

    So I am assuming then that this isn’t you and the Soviet in the Black Rifle Coffee Company how to video then


  18. SGT Fon says:

    ok Imagine this:
    someone provides the Garage,the next person some sterile 5 gallon plastic tubs from Home depot, someone else some clean plastic tubing, another person who has a sterilize setting on their dishwasher some street side beer bottles, another some hops the next some barley another some malt… see where this is going? after all this is done and about 14-28 days go by it should be warm enough to sit in a yard sale and consume some of the nectar of the gods

  19. Daisy Cutter says:

    I think the serious money’s in bobblehead dolls.

  20. OWB says:

    Coffee? Why, thank you very much.

    Oh, wait. You weren’t really offering…

  21. Mayhem says:

    Okay, you don’t wanna sell coffee. How about condoms? Specifically Mayhem’s Combat Cannon Condoms? I have them in several colors, textures, Ribbed for her pleasure or turn them inside out for your pleasure. You can even use them as a field expedient chewing gum, yah they taste like shit but they last all day. Let me know if yer interested. Luv ya bro !

  22. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    Is the pic above taken at the Hammer and Sickle Soy-Boi cafe that our resident SJW works at?