Gun Maker Calls Marines ‘Crayon Eaters’.

| February 21, 2019

Heckler & Koch wrote on Facebook Feb. 19, 2019, “A fresh batch of M27 rifles leaving Georgia headed to the Devil Dogs. If any of you crayon eaters are reading this, please treat them nice, even though we built them to be Marine proof.” Heckler & Koch photo via Facebook

Heckler & Koch may be making and delivering thousands of M27 infantry automatic rifles to the Marine Corps, but that’s not going to stop the company from taking a few jabs at jarheads.

“A fresh batch of M27 rifles leaving Georgia headed to the Devil Dogs,” the post read, alongside photographs of rows of the guns ready for shipping. “If any of you crayon eaters are reading this, please treat them nice, even though we built them to be Marine proof.”

Come on, I haven’t chewed on a crayon in … weeks.

“FYI, this was not a challenge to try to break them, we know reading comprehension is [not] a strong suit,” she wrote later.

Others, picking up on the cherished stereotype of Marines as tough but none-too-smart crayon-eaters, added their own takes.

“As a Marine veteran, I can’t read what that said, but looked at the picture,” one commenter wrote.

H&K’s social media wisecracker had a comeback ready.

“We wrote out a training manual that used no words over 6 letters, we were told we didn’t use enough pictures,” she wrote. “By the time we submitted a manual that was approved, it was literally nothing but pictures …”

As the post picked up steam hours after publication, Social Media Girl voiced tongue-in-cheek worries that she would be “pulled into a meeting” for ragging on Marines.

Rumor in some of the Jarhead groups is “she is hot” so I doubt there is anything a “Hot Chick” who makes automatic weapons is going to say that will outrage Marines.


Source: Military dot com Article


Category: Satire

Comments (74)

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  1. We all have our Opinions. Glad the Goose Stepping Morons are finally writing books instead of burning them! How about delivering them on time, Hiedi!

    • Poetrooper says:

      Jack, there’s an easy explanation why the lovely lady has such a jaundiced view of Jarheads–the H&K plant is in Columbus, adjacent to Fort Benning, Home of the Airborne.

      She just has unusually high standards…

      • JacktheJarhead says:

        Poe, Heckler & Koch, over priced German crap designed by other people. Oh and they hate us. But I like my crayons, the Red ones are the best! I can read words with more than 6 letters and I can count above 20 without taking off my boots and opening my fly! Besides, Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS, is probably married to a Para-Bunny! You know how them airborne dudes like their pain! Remember, all in good fun. Maybe!

  2. OWB says:

    Of course it was a challenge. They know it, the Marines know it, and the rest of us are just enjoying the show.

    Good stuff. Much better than to just send them out with a note sayng, “Here, see how fast you can break these.”

  3. 5th/77th FA says:

    Gotta eat something to get the taste of that MRE out of yo mouth.

    Multiple orgasms from multiple gun pr0n pics. Oh and hot chics….Bring ’em on, I ain’t skeered.

    My hot chic M16-A1’s name was Daphane.

    • The Other Whitey says:

      Never named a rifle, but every attractive female who ever fired my M1 Garand aggressively initiated sex with me no more than two hours later.

      • OWB says:

        Sounds like that particular rifle should be named Pimp…

        • The Other Whitey says:

          I wanted to etch “Panty Dropper” into the stock, but my wife (the last female to fire said rifle) wasn’t having it.

          One of my female firefighters (a chick who prefers other chicks) did ask if she could borrow it at some point in the future. Mrs. Whitey granted her permission.

      • SFC D says:

        I learned a tough (expensive) lesson about letting a woman fire one of my pistols. MRS D fired my 1911, and wouldn’t give it back until I got her a 1911 of her own. She’s well worth it!

        • The Other Whitey says:

          Mrs. Whitey wanted a wheelgun. S&W Victory Model in .38 SW.

          • RCAF-CHAIRBORNE says:

            A great choice for nightstand duty!

            • The Other Whitey says:

              One of these days I need to teach her how to do the Harries Technique.

              • Fyrfighter says:

                Mrs. Fyr was looking for a CCW pistol.. started looking at .380, then 9mm.. then after shooting my Colt Officers model, asked if she could “just get a .45”.. I said YES M’am!! so she went with a Springfield XDS.. then I got a pair of Roper “Sidewinder” boots, with a built in holster, and had t get the same pistol.. for mag compatibility etc.. plus, it fits the boots perfectly..


      My C7’s name was Miss Fire 😬

  4. OldManchu says:

    I wonder if the receiving Marine officer will misinterpret the word “Koch” and reroute the shipments to the Sailors thinking it was meant for them.

  5. AW1Ed says:

    I call BS. Nothing is “Marine Proof.” The best one can hope for is “Marine Resistant” and that for a short time.

  6. Cheese Eater McBlobfish says:

    The yellow crayons taste good.

    Dennis Howard Chevalier
    Denny H. Chevalier

  7. Ex-PH2 says:

    Why aren’t all those guns green?

  8. NHSparky says:

    Anyone upset by this?

    Tough shit.

  9. aGrimm says:

    Devil Docs, relying on their Navy chow experience, have forever been trying to step up the Jarheads’ culinary tastes – without much luck. All anchor clankers know that #2 pencil erasers have a much better flavor and texture. Remember, don’t bite the eraser off of the pencil like most Marines. Gently rock the eraser back and forth out of the metal holder to get the whole thing.

    Then there is the Army; they prefer the chalky taste of Whiteout. As for flyboys, if you see them using a straw, they probably already sucked the ink out of the tube. Sheesh, no taste buds.

    • IDC SARC says:

      The best thing ever is chewing on the metal keeper one you’ve chewed up the eraser and all the wood. The metal can last for days.

      • OAE CPO USN Ret says:

        I haven’t chewed on a pencil like that in decades. Yet after reading your post I suddenly have this metallic taste that won’t go away.

        • IDC SARC says:

          One of my biggest disappointments was when SWCS started using mechanical pencils for bubble test sheets. My lifetime free supply of chewy goodness suddenly went hopelessly dry.

  10. nbcman54ACTUAL says:

    They let Marines have crayons???

    Lucky bastards.


    Everyone knows that crayons only taste good when dipped in Elmer’s

    • The Other Whitey says:

      Yeah, but PVC glue smells better!

      • RCAF-CHAIRBORNE says:

        It’s still got nothing on MEK or otto fuel!

        • SaraSnipe says:

          OOhh, MEK. I used that stuff by the 55 gal drumload when I was painting offshore oil platforms. Once, I got to witness a bucketful flash as a wino was cleaning spray guns while having a lit cigarette dangling from his mouth. His eyebrows got burned off. We also used Methyl Ethyl Ketone Peroxide as a catalyst for GlidFlake deck coating. That stuff is kind of excitable too.

  12. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Blue crayon dipped in paste and Elmer’s Glue chaser…..

  13. Thunderstixx says:

    I saw that on FB and brought my two cents worth into it with the comment: “There is no such thing as Marine Proof in the history of that fine group of cutthroat killers” !!!

  14. Jay says:

    Im sure the “instrukshun manyul” is waterproof….for the drool and all. Ya know?

  15. USMC Steve says:

    The Marine Corps must be stupid to pay $3500.00 apiece for a piston driven full auto AR carbine. Instead of teaching the 0331’s with the M249s to have some fire discipline, we took a massive step back to the 1970’s and 1980’s and intentionally limited our firepower at the squad and fire team level.

  16. FatCircles0311 says:

    HK are assholes and this has been their business stance for decades. Probably the most overrated firearm manufacturer that exists today outside of the boutique custom market. They treat all their customers like trash.

    • The Other Whitey says:

      Remember HK’s customer service slogan: “You suck and we hate you.”

      • JacktheJarhead says:

        They are German, Customer service is for the French! They make a fine, Teutonic Weapon that will never break! If you call and actually get someone, they are rude. I have one H&K right now, got rid of my 91 a couple of years back. They live on a reputation that is not deserved. Their most famous design came from the Spanish!

        • The Stranger says:

          True that…the CETME, which became the G3 when it was Deutsche-fied. Of course, the Spaniards being Spaniards came up with their own round for the original rifle, the 7.62 CETME which was a lower-powered round than the standard 7.62 mm used in the FAL and M14. The upshot being that the CETME round was externally identical but woe to the unsuspecting soldier who loaded a NATO 7.62 round into his CETME rifle. The Spaniards eventually strengthened subsequent models to safely fire the NATO ammo and these were the basis for the G3.

          • The Other Whitey says:

            The Japs were smart enough to put a full-power setting on the adjustable gas regulator of the Howa Type-64 in the event that they ever couldn’t get their cold-loaded domestic shit.

          • SaraSnipe says:

            Cliff Clavin here, actually the German engineer working at the Spanish arms firm based his design on the Stg44. It was developed in Spain because of Germany losing the war, and not being allowed to manufacture weapons. Kind of like Messerschmitt being restricted to building those wierd little Issetas. That said, they do have some nice products like the USP, P2000 with M&P trigger, UMP, MP5 usw…. They are rather overpriced, and their M416 magazines suck.

  17. MCPO NYC USN Ret. says:

    Crayon Eater = Vegan

    And I am good with that.

    However, US Marines could never be Vegans because I have heard they eat their dead in celebration.

    Therefore, US Marines are not Crayon Eaters.

    • SFC D says:

      I believe crayons are a petroleum product, a derivative of decaying dinosaurs, and is therefore not vegan-approved.

      • The Stranger says:

        Well, using THAT logic, vegetables grown using manure wouldn’t be vegan-approved either! Actually, vegetables grown using any fertilizer wouldn’t be vegan since the alternative to manure is petroleum derived fertilizer. Guess them vegans are going to starve.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Hey, I resent that. Us Army folk are capable of being crayon eaters just as much, you know!

  19. Roh-Dog says:

    Well, if the diaper fits…
    Legit, can’t go to 99 Restaurant with a Marine buddy anymore.
    Every. Freaking. Time.
    He thinks it’s funny to ask or procure himself crayons from the hostess stand.

  20. USAFRetired says:

    Tabasco sauce makes everything taste better.

    The late President of the Company (McIlhenny) was BGen USMCR

  21. Kalroy says:

    OMG, this wingnuts finds that hilarious. Gotta share it with my jarhead brother.

  22. cato says:

    Call me anything you wish, but the weapon better be well designed, well made, accurate and totally reliable.

    Crayons aren’t that bad with a little Tabasco and a damn site better than “C” Rations.

    • A Proud Infidel®­™ says:

      They’re a shit ton tastier than any MRE Omelet ever made!!!

      • SaraSnipe says:

        I second this statement.

        • The Stranger says:

          The only breakfast MRE I ever eat are the blueberry granola or the maple sausage. So much sugar in both of those, you’ll be bouncing off the walls. 12 mile ruck after a long day? Let’s go! Of course you crash hard afterwards.

  23. Contractor1803 says:

    It’s reported that out of the first shipment 25% were lost, 25% broken and 50% of the weapons were pregnant. The USMC is expecting a batch of VP9s in the late Spring. 🙂