Frotz Gerlach – Yet another Phony SEAL

| April 12, 2019 | 111 Comments

The folks at Military Phony sent us their case on David Chris Gerlach, who likes to go by the nickname ‘Frotz’ or ‘Frotzy’ with his friends.

Gerlach has a SEAL Trident displayed on his motorcycle vest…

On the reverse side of this jacket, he claims to have been a Torpedoman’s Mate First Class (E-6) as well as a Veteran of Desert Shield/Storm…

And his friends seem to think he was a SEAL…

So the BUD/S-SEAL database was checked along with other important resources and Gerlach’s name was not listed, so his military records were ordered through a Freedom of Information Act Request (FOIA).  As you may have guessed, they tell a different story…

Gerlach’s official military records show no SEAL training and no SEAL assignments.

He was a Torpedoman and got out as a Second Class Petty Officer (E-5) vs. the First Class Petty Officer (E-6) that he claimed.

Here he is back in 1985 as an E-3 aboard the USS Canopus (AS-34)…

His official military records also show that he spent nine (9) years on active duty and got out the day before Desert Storm kicked off, so he could not have been a part of that.  His records do not support his involvement in Desert Shield, either.

If you browse the photos on his Facebook page you will see a recurring theme – he likes to give people the finger.  We just hope that he is not as flippant when it comes to clearing all this up.

Gerlach lives in Green Bay, Wisconsin.   The state of Wisconsin has a newly minted 2015 Stolen Valor Law.  We can’t think of a better test of this law than “Frotzy” Gerlach and his claims that don’t hold up when you compare them to his official military record.

Tags: , ,

Category: Fake SEAL, Navy, Phony SEAL, Stolen Valor, Stolen Valor Act

Comments (111)

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  1. Combat Historian says:

    Nine years’ honorable service flushed down the drain. Sucks to be you, dumbshit…

    • 5th/77th FA says:

      ^word^ Read up on the lying, embellishing tool, ie David Chris “Frotzy” Gerlach last night on an e mail flash from the Military Phonies ninjas. Outstanding work on this NEVER WAS A NAVY SEAL POSer. Clicked on the linky thingy to his book of the fake page had his embellishments all over the place. Also had a linky thingy to the MP site and the article we see posted here. Checking back on his fake page and it appears as if the bleaching has begun.

      A trifecta of fake Navy seals. Come on rangerberetgreenforcesniperdeltas, you gotta up your game. Go Army POSers Beat Navy POSers!

      Coulda, shoulda, woulda been proud of somewhat honorable service, but NOOOOO, had to put the rancid cherry on the sh^t sundae you made of your life. No wonder you are single and down to tipping gullible Hooters waitresses to sit on your motor sickle with you. You had everything going for you but the service dog.

      Let’s just go ahead a make a nomination for the deployment of the Continent of Insults. Can I get a 2nd and an AYE?

        • ChipNASA says:

          OK you dog dicks,
          We have a new request for the The Continent of Insults®™ and we have a Second vote. What say you, do we have an “AYE” vote?

          (You guys never fail me, so I’ll go over the the CoI and start refreshing it for “Fozzy Bear”, here.

          • 5th/77th FA says:

            Imma gonna go out on a limb here, as the nominator, and go ahead and vote AYE. Been awaiting for a coupla three hours now for this deployment. The target is in the open. You are cleared HOT.

            Make three passes, expend all!

            • ChipNASA says:


              ” Flag on the play, offsides. 5 yard penalty. Replay the down.

              I thing the ChipNASA/TAH Robert’s Rules say 3 different posters have to confirm for Enola Gay-ing the The Continent of Insults®™ on a poser posted here or I’d spend more time whipping it out then I do beating my own dick, but that’s another story.

              Be patient, I’ve rarely *not* had enough votes, like maybe a few times in the history of the The Continent of Insults®™


            • Ex-PH2 says:

              Aye, and have done to you!

          • OAE CPO USN Ret says:


            *pulls out the darkly tinted goggles, waits for the bright flash*

        • A Proud Infidel®™ says:


      • ChipNASA says:

        *pulls out the darkly tinted goggles, waits for the bright flash*

        Yeah, don’t forget to turn your back to the blast area and bend over….Oh wait, those instructions are for old David Chris “Frotzy” Gerlach.

        HEY DAVY BOY, “BOHICA” because I’m pretty certain this isn’t the first time you’ve taken it up the old poop chute.
        The Continent of Insults®™
        (aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus)
        FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
        DANGER CLOSE!!!!
        MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
        TAKE COVER!!!!!
        …. David (Dickless) Chris (Chimp) “Frotzy” (Froty) Gerlach (Bitchtits)…HEY DICKLESS WONDER, We all hope you read this and come back here and try to defend your actions, but, you won’t because, YOU’RE A STRAIGHT UP COWARD, NOT A SEAL, vile, flaming piece of skunk shit, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, HOLY Baby Ape Shit Breath, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, You flaccid piece of tofu, Simply a fart in life waiting to be fabreezed away, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, DILLY DILLY!!, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, Fucking one cell spermatozoon with a tiny flagella, gaping giant ass walking fungus shit nugget, Bag of seasoned dog shit, Cambodian cunt sauce, he deserves to have his private parts gnawed by angry badgers, Anyone who ever loved you was wrong, bucket of ass chum, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, JERK OFF !!, Soup Sandwich, if you Mom would have known you were going to turn out like this, she’d have prayed for a miscarriage, Diaper-Sniper, you’re such a pussy, when you get a haircut they charge you for a bikini wax, suck a big diseased gorilla dick and open those ass cheeks for the bull elephant that has been eyeing your lying ass, Poster-child for post birth abortion, Testicle face, This twat waffle is dumber than a bucket of goat piss, I pray thou shalt be pursued into the mountains by sex-mad baboons, O thou creature of the pit!, If you are married, The only thing your wife wants for Christmas is a folded flag, Dick Swallowing Jerk Wad Spooge Sampling cum gobbling parasitic infection bunghole tonguer, Klootviool, Dude–even your balls are made of pussy, should be ass raped and tea-bagged, at the same time, by a Rabid Rhinoceros, you were the kid that had to sit alone at lunchtime, you’re the afterbirth that slithered out from your mother’s filth, you have always been picked last, you are a puck shot, catcher’s mitt double dribble field goal miss, you are the trash bag after a barracks/frat house party, the Stanley Cup could be your Mom’s dildo, I wish you were an EOD training power point presentation. Not the cool, highly trained bad ass EOD guys, the recipient, He’s more fucked up than a spotted Zebra, shirt-lifter, This guy stepped on his dick so hard it made mine hurt, when your Mom was pregnant with you, the dry cleaner used to charge her double for extra coat hangers. She had bad aim, If this wasn’t so sad, it would be as funny as watching a monkey try to fuck a football, I’m surprised he didn’t award himself a Purple Heart for stepping on his dick., Anus tonguing shitslurping fuckwitted hemorrhoid munching dick lips wanktoaster, pud-knuckling pus-nuts, farting dive bubble cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping dickchops, Sloshing bucket of Hippo Diarrhea, short strand DNA ‘tard, a bathroom selfie loser, fake “death stare” makes you look like a semen sucking cum vampire on his way to a flying J truck stop hobo ball sac buffet, Cuntosaurus Rex, Bulbous Bleeding Batrachivorous Butthole Burrito, enjoys being attacked by and being sunk by meat torpedoes,
        This pissant is such a genius of monumental proportions he can skullfuck his own asshole, You man meat munching, spunk bubble blowing butt sponge, You are a disease, worse than a crotch tick, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper, Boy, you couldn’t lead a fresh turd down the bowl, Thinks that he is in the “dark” secret ops, not realizing that he has his head up his ass, You were born stupid and had a prolapse, In need of an appointment with a brass-knuckles Amateur Dentist, exposure to diseased posers is also known as “the Result of Cyclospora” with * “Symptoms of cyclospora include diarrhea and frequent, sometimes explosive bowel movements, according to the CDC.” I say, I say, That boy’s about as sharp as a sack o’ wet mice, Dear fucking 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus on a cement tricycle, banjo eyed, insignificant and inconsequentially ignorant imbecilic idiot, single strand DNA refugee from a blow job, not worthy to lick taint lint off my cats backside, Unable to prevail against his one brained celled activity taking him over, so he types, talks, acts as if a retarded ghost possessed him. dickwad that can’t make a good seal on Tupperware, Buttcrackiula, tit, Oh, fuck you sideways with a roll of horse liniment coated concertina wire…you sorry, miserable, posing, shit eating goat fucker, You look like the product of an orgy at a family reunion, got-damn cum drop, You’re funnier than a sock full of frogs and tougher than a jar of marshmallow crème, Sharmouta, hey douche bag, I bet your ass is jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, as worthless as a Toyota airbag, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, meat-gazing walrus fart hamster queef that should have stayed a tittyfuck cumstain in the back seat of an AMC Pacer, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, I heard you volunteered to go to the Middle East to take on terrorists…dressed as a goat, I believe you to be one of the few, proud pieces of shit that flies won’t fuck on, You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn’t die, needle dick bug fucker, wad of fungus on a pile of roach turd, Drongo, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, pigshit fungus, grubby little dick-beater, You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john, Connoisseur ,worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, jejeongsin-iya?, whore-hopping fecal wart, Soppspiste Pitbulkukkforhud, stench-ridden, Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled, shiftless, monkey-buggerer, petrified shit biscuit, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, ignoble itching buttcrack, You’re the reason God created Irritable Bowel Syndrome, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, lickspittle, useless bag of monkey fuck, dickbutt, rectum circling colon goblin, Asshole casserole, Vafanculo, Nut hugger, People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore, salad tosser, gonorrheatic urethral cliff diver, smeerlap, fud, rancid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, You look like something I’d draw with my left hand, Mayor Grundle Butter of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, Holy cupcake munching monkeys, clitwart, cuntscab, Fuck you, you nutless chickenfuck cocksucking rat-bastard piece of roach shit! Eat a whole fucking ConEx full of dicks!, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, malodorous odiferous felonious fido fucker, snowball, Coprophagous fop, Gonorrhea breath, swizzle tits, giggling beerflecked canker blossom, how did you survive infancy, rectal rapee, GonnoSyphaHerpaClapAIDS Patient Zero monkey buggerer, ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, R2-Dildo, You suck dick for beer money and you don’t even drink beer, secret squirrel masturbation specialist, hand in your badge, Adolf, you fart repeatedly just to make yourself smell better, spunk-trumpet, Bakrauf, face down ass up weak kneed pillow biter,
        Wait, of all the lucky sperms that came outta your daddy, you’re the one that WON??, He’s so much of a dickhead he takes Viagra thru a nasal spray, and he’s still limp, How I the fuck do assholes like this sleep at night? With one hand on their tiny dick and the other thumb in their ass, Holy shit, maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, A butter knife amongst razor blades, Rusty Trombone Virtuoso, he is the kinda guy who likes meeting up with two strange men so they can sword fight in his mouth, he’s the kind of guy you’d find hanging out around highway rest areas because he’s frequenting the public bathrooms trying to gargle marbles for change, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting, Pissflap, fucknuckles, is about as real as a Civil War Issue polyester blanket, Menstrual quimsquirt, you’re as useful as Anne Frank’s Drum Set, overzealous polyp burglar, poser quim squirt, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun, Fustilarian, Knobgobble, prancing pony penis puffer, Likes to turn his mouth into a day care center with guys baby gravy behind the local truck stop, I hope his rectum is popped so hard, he will achieve liftoff on Mr. Tiny’s launch pad, less popular than a Cheese and Veggie Omelet MRE, You are so full of shit, your ears stink, I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral, butt-pirate, as popular as an SBD fart in church on a packed house Sunday, you should get dorked in the squeakhole with the Barbed Cock of Satan, toadstool slime-inhaling dick-drizzling sludge, putrid barrel of fermenting manatee prostatic fluid, prodigious jenkem huffer, You’re a dirty coffee mug on a Monday morning filled to the brim with steaming frothy panther piss, Asparagus-dick, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, You’re dumber than snake mittens, Wooden dildo, assplow, Piss Whistle, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, lintlicker, Wino sphincter/ballsack coinesseur, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Stronzo, Pie-Faced Crotch Pheasant, Road apple, Mule muffins, Buffalo bagels, Beaver biscuits, pony pucks & Pigeon pellets (Shout out to M*A*S*H Col. Potter) , Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, manpleaser, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, People like this make me wanna hatefuck a dumpster, on fire and then give sloppy seconds to a menstruating porcupine , Shit-Slot Cosmonaut, Proper Daft Cunt, you thought you had a hair on your dick until it peed, zombies would take one look at you and walk the other direction, Do you know who has more friends and is more popular than you? The Shit Pool at Kandahar Airfield Afghanistan, he has less brains than a bony eared assfish if he thought he would continue to get away with his bullshit, Fair suck of the sav, is so unimaginably and extraordinarily vapid and mindlessly stupid that he could get lost in an elevator, Meretricious, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, he is just a rock with lips rocking the dick head look, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, He looks like the kind of guy that really needs to take a bath…with a toaster. baby cave, analconda, Grade A chode yodeler, tittilating scrotalator pole smoker, Vaginal Sand Fairy, Drollenpijper, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, feral abacus, leg humper, You look like you were conceived through anal, meadow muffin, ax wound drippings, you’re such a loser, when you spank your little wee-wee, your hand falls asleep, horse squeeze Ball Cheese, you were born after your Dad cream-pied her asshole then finger fucked her vagina, your “heroic “ career is less believable than UFOs, Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster, you are the poster child for ED, when I want to terrorize my children, I tell YOU are under their bed, when I saw this sperm receptacle, soggy biscuit eater, my eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain stem, I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid.

        • ChipNASA says:

          Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid, you emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid, nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know, Schlumpadinka, wazzock, Tampon Tunnel, used toilet paper-sniffing Turbo knob vacuum of a meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, roach turd-munching shit-for-brains, a black hole would spit you out, the founding fathers said all men are created equal….except for you, you make scientists contemplate the possibility that there’s a negative IQ number, if you an 2 other guys ran a race together, you’d come in fourth, dick pickle, gòrach pìos de cac, It looks like he smeared super glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, You make PTSD/TBI look like a state fair, a 3 ring circus and Disneyland all rolled into one, likes to gargle with a mouthful of unborn crib midgets, He can shit and fall in it as far as I am concerned(This one is for the Ladies and Medical Staff) this prancing fairy is about as popular as a failed Episiotomy with a 4th degree perineal tear, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, feejackapeesack, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, bunghole warrior, cockwomble, bread loaf end slice, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant, If Mr. Rogers were alive, he’d piss on your grave, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, Uncle Fucker, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, Herp-Burger, poofter, intergalactic cunt muffin, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Deputy executive assistant jizz mopper in training, chronic hemorrhoid, stugatz, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, Sea Donkey, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, can go suck a fat baby’s dick, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck, Bellicose ball gnashing raper of babies with rabies, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, bawbag, about as useful as a white crayon, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, scunner, kutomba wewe, Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, fudgepacker, turbo douche & enema nozzle, mental midget, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, 100 retarded monkeys could jerk off in a stagnant swamp and generate a better life form than you, You are about as useful as a knitted condom, if I had the taste of you in my mouth, I’d lick the taint of a dead rotting water buffalo in the Vietnamese jungle just to get the taste out, just to fix your shit, you could make a Jew deny the Holocaust, you are the reason Jesus can’t play peek-a-boo, he has holes in his hands, you are a 0 EPR/OPR, you are worse than a Dishonorable Discharge….from your Mom’s vagina, Massive, back alley, bucket of schlong fuck juice, cockalorum cum-guzzling gutter slut, Dalton Coldiron’s bunny-butt buddy atomic sphincter goblin, If you stuck your brain up a gnat’s ass, it would look like a BB in a boxcar, Jackanape, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, pussytits, Milksop, you’re such an embarrassment to your family and your father is so ashamed of you, he’d refuse a free blowjob out of fear of further spilling his seed,
          you suck so bad, AIDS and Cancer have nightmares about you, your shit is about as funny as Anne Frank, Helen Keller and Terri Schiavo having an orgy in the showers at Auschwitz, you suck so bad, puppies, kittens and babies hate you, you are so loathsome, looks like the kind of guy who lets his wife gets her shit pushed in by Mr. Ouch while he watches, Gandhi would ass rape you for giggles, you are about as welcome as a yeast infection, hemorrhoids, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, genital wards and herpes, you’re one of the reasons Trump is President, you make God want a do-over, You vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous pervert, pillock, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby,Rear Admiral of the Butt Piracy, donkey raping shit-eater, twatface, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, deep sea crotch lobster, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee Ermey, R.I.P. ), NOT a SEAL, NOT A Desert Shield/Desert Storm veteran, most likely was NOT a First Class Petty Officer (E-6), did have about 9 years of honorable service BUT YOU JUST SHIT ALL OVER THAT PAL!!, , TOTALLY a retarded, soul patch ball dusting, burn pit of worthlessness, you know the old saying “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water?” You would be the exception, he can go fuck a hill of dildos, you’re so fugly, you could make the Sun go down and not want to come up again, you make people that know you, want ass cancer, you make Hillary Clinton’s vagina look attractive, should be blowing everyone in cell block D and taking it up the ass, simultaneously from everyone in cell block C, You fucking LAND WALRUS, shit snorting stain on Hillary Clinton’s yeast infected kootchie covers, you’re lucky we don’t dress you up in drag, drop your ass off somewhere in the Middle East and let an entire battalion of ISIS soldiers and supporters butt rape you until you’re turned inside out, remember that story in the news a while back about a guy that was arrested for fucking his girlfriend’s dog that had been dead for a few days, in front of a daycare center? Yeah, you’re worse than that guy, you make child rape and crib death seem funny, you are such a fuckgasim, you’d leave Don Rickles speechless, you could make Goodwill, the Salvation Army and the Red Cross give you the finger, You make your own Mother cry on Mother’s Day, you’re the reason proctologists are a thing, seeing you frolicking around in all your finery makes me understand why Abba wrote the song Dancing Queen, I’d rather watch AFRTS than see this guy’s shit on the Internet, if you were a planet, you’d be Uranus, YOU are the reason monkeys throw poop, you stupid toilet mint licker, Hitler wishes he had you as a mentor because now he feels like a failure, Ball Basting Boy Wondor, What an oily little meatgazer, planetary level atomic flaming douchebag, Santorium, lying shitbag wanna-be fucknozzle cleaner, Impacted breaching turtle head, Rumpleforeskin, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, anal bum cover (LOL SNL Jeopardy), taint cookie, Mr. Men’s Room Wide Stance toe tapping glory hole hero, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, YOU’RE THE REASON ALIENS COME TO EARTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STICK THINGS UP OUR ASSES BECAUSE EVEN ADVANCED CIVILIZATIONS CAN’T FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, I heard you were created via frozen embryo, you must have thawed, what’s gross, a truckload of dead babies, what’s grosser than gross, a truckload of dead babies with a live one in the middle trying to eat its way out, what is more disgusting than that? You,
          stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twatscicle, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed slimy toadstool on a Swamp Donkey turd, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, needle dick buttfucker, Putz, rectal inspector, this swollen, sweltering manhole should be infected with herpegonasyphilaids, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Fiction-flinging Richard Gere’s Ass Gerbil Felcher, dingleberry circling ass buzzard, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, bukakke glazed shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, you lying sack of mosquito, Siberian bag of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, You couldn’t make a point if someone gave you a pencil sharpener, should be pounded in the poop hole with a turret of a M1 Abrams, and then fired a WP round therein, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt.
          If any of this offends you, I’m sorry. If something here *doesn’t* offend you, I’m not trying hard enough!
          We now include the NEW & IMPROVED
          /FREE with every deployment of an equal or greater value
          The Continent of Insults®™

          FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!
          Can I get an AMEN?! (Or your choice of exclamation/interjection.)
          Here endeth the lesson.

  2. Comm Center Rat says:

    The Hooter’s Girl on the back of Frotzy’s motorcycle is noteworthy. Frotzy’s SEAL career – not so much. Another poser who has devalued the coveted NDSM.

  3. Ret_25X says:


    What a maroon!

  4. Daisy Cutter says:

    * Doo Rag – CHECK
    * Motorcycle – CHECK
    * Vest with bling – CHECK
    * Tats – CHECK
    * Service Dog – FAIL

  5. PTBH says:

    Gerlach was stationed at Navy Submarine Torpedo Facility (NSTF) Yorktown VA during Desert Shield. He may have been affected by Stop-Loss but was discharged on 16 Jan 1991, the day before Desert Storm kicked off.

    • Mason says:

      Not often you see someone get discharged the day a war starts.

    • SFC D says:

      Yeah, that discharge during a stop-loss sets off alarms with me. Something’s missing here.

      • NHSparky says:

        I wouldn’t read too much into that. I was in during DS/DS and the number of Navy folk affected was far less than the Army or Marines, much like OIF.

        • 5jc says:

          The whole Army was on stop loss. Marines too IIRC. Funny I recall a number of friends suddenly joining back up (or trying to) right before the war kicked off.

          • Hack Stone says:

            Hack Stone had orders from Saudi to go back to 29 Stumps for a school seat. So Hack was on a bus taking us Jarheads back to the States (October 1990). A few of us had orders, most on the bus going back Stateside were on Emergency Leave. So, some fat ass Admin Clerk from MEF or Division was on the bus, running his suck that he knew when the invasion would kick off. Hack asked if he was going on Emergency Leave, and he said he was going back because he was EAS’ing. Hack thought this guy must be a real piece of shit to be sent from a combat zone to get discharged when the Marine Corps was calling retired personnel back on Active Duty.

      • NECCSEABEECPO says:

        The Navy has never really used Stop-loss. What they have done or did was restrictions on some rates to be able to cross rate and did call some back up, like reservist, in certain areas. Most of the rates or positions effected by something like this would be and has been NSW and NSO, and Ground Combat Support Rates like Seabees at certain times it did happen. Also after 911 They called up and held some personnel that had the Navy Force Protection NEC 9545 (Security Forces) and they even forced crossed rated meaning took them out of their current Rate and crossed rated into MA, this was done around
        2002-2004. This why at one time they had way to many MA CPO’s, as most of these guy’s were E6’s and advanced in MA rate. That is it for any type of stop loss Navy has ever had during those times.

        Now for his time and not being separated on the beginning of conflict. Nvay does what they call none deployable sataues as they get ready to do upcoming Deployment, they take those NDP’s and most of time find a place to TAD them, as they will not make deployment or some are so close to EAOS, the command does not want them in the deployable work up’s and training. This also helps the Sailor out as they can do the proper check out and work on their EAOS, stuff like medical and up date records things like that. So there is nothing to make of that he was a short timer and they TAD’ED him out, so as to not effect the command.

  6. 26Limabeans says:

    Frotzy? As in one who frots?
    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  7. Hondo says:

    I’d certainly love to know the “backstory” on how he managed to be discharged the day before Desert Storm kicked off.

  8. Wilted Willy says:

    Hey Frotzy Gerlach, the internet is forever you dumb ass fucking poser, I hope a Real SEAL Team finds you with your finger extended and they break it off in your ass! You are a real Squeak Hole Dorker! I hope they put your fat ass in prison where you belong! What, no claim of a Purple Heart? You claimed everything else, why not that? Didn’t you get a nasty paper cut while in Desert Storm? I predict all your storied of derring do will quickly disappear from your phony book of the face! You blow whinos for spare change behind the dumpster at the local truck stop! Go suck a bag of dicks you asswipe!

  9. AW1Ed says:

    Da-fook? Someone open up a can of phony SEALs this week?

  10. CCO says:

    Another fake SEAL. Where’s the fake cooks, the fake light wheel mechanics, the aviation mechanics, the fake hull technicians, the fake personnel clerks?

    Who wants to brag about how many words per minute they can type or how they can find the NSN for D cell batteries on FEDLOG or how they were smart enough to order oil in barrels instead of in the can?

  11. M48DAT says:

    This might be a little dated. I live in GB and I’m involved with a lot of vet orgs. The Hooters closed well over 15 years ago. My bud who is a retired LTC and a attorney in real life is prez of Combat Vets MC and runs a squared away operation, no drinking bla bla bla. I’d like to run into this dude. Busted another guy that claimed to be a SEAL, it was too obvious, I said you might have eaten a seal but you were never a Navy SEAL.

    • Skyjumper says:

      M48DAT, I wonder if David Chris “Frotzy” Gerlach can be spotted in the Milo C. Huempfner Clinic regaling the vets on his illustrious career as a Navy SEAL. /sarc

      He looks like an aged spermazoid with hairy love handles and the “one finger salute” indicates his IQ.

      I live about 50 miles south of you M48DAT, outside the city named after the Winnebago Indian Chief. (smile)

  12. Daisy Cutter says:

    Frotzy expressed himself with beyond the bare minimum amount of flair.

  13. HMCS(FMF) ret says:


    DAVID CHRIS “FROTZ” GERLACH qualified as a “SEAL” by fellitating a pinnaped.

    DAVID CHRIS “FROTZ” GERLACH serviced “meat torpedoes” while working at Brucies Bath House (Entrance in the Rear) as a Junior Associate Apprentice Towel Boy.

    DAVID CHRIS “FROTZ” GERLACH took a shit all over his nine years of honorable service.


  14. Andy11M says:

    Dumb question here, as I was still in high school when Desert Storm happened, so those of you who were in at the time can maybe answer this, but I was under the impression that when the build up of Desert Shield was going on, it was 100% stop loss across the board, all branches. So how did this turd get to slide down a bilge pump and get out literally the day the war started?

  15. Well I’ll be a monkey’s Uncle if he doesn’t look like The owner of American Chopper whom I forgot his name.

  16. Is this the third Seal this week? I forgot to add it to my above comment and using up precious typewriter ribbon ink.

  17. Peter the Bubblehead says:

    Records say he’s authorized the Meritorious Unit Commendation (MUC). Hard to tell, but in the first pic it looks like he’s wearing the Naval Unit Commendation (NUC) above it. Not a huge deal – as compared to a Purple Heart or Bronze Star Medal – but I thought I would point it out.
    Also looks like he has a Sea Service Deployment Ribbon and both Rifle and Pistol Marksman ribbons on the lowest row. Anybody familiar with the service of USS Canopus in the 1980’s? As a submarine tender assigned to a Ballistic Missile Submarine Base, did Canopus go to sea for greater than 90 days at a time?

    • NHSparky says:

      Depends–I was on the Proteus and Holland in Guam, and neither got underway much, unless you want to count typhoon evasion.

      But because they were forward deployed, we were entitled to an SSDR each year aboard, and the Site III folks got Overseas Service Ribbions (but you couldn’t get both.)

      Canopus did do certifications after shipyard in Charleston down in Gitmo before shifting homeport to King’s Bay. Don’t know if they were gone 90 days, tho.

      • Skyjumper says:

        NHSparky, I found this info on the interweb about the Canopus & their Association page.

        In 1984 after being relieved by the USS Holland AS-32, the Canopus underwent a overhaul at Charleston Naval Shipyard – which lasted until 1985. Refresher training and shake-down was conducted out of GITMO (Guantanamo Bay, Cuba).

        After a short stay at Charleston, the Canopus sailed in July 1985 to Kings Bay GA, where she relived the Simon Lake – assuming upkeep and refit duites for the SSBNs of Subron 16.

        The Canopus was located at Kingsbay Georgia during the early 1990s. During a ceremony held at Warrior Warf, Naval Submarine Base, Kings Bay on Friday, the Seventh day of October, 1994 — USS Canopus’ 29 years of service was celebrated; and she was decommissioned from active service.

    • NHSparky says:

      And that top row looks like a NAM and a MUC to me, but I’m blind in one eye and can’t see from the other anyway.

    • Canopus was tied up so long at Kings Bay it was eventually assigned a building number. (Just joking)

  18. NHSparky says:

    Looking at the record, looks like it took him a minimum of six years to make TM2.

    I know some rates can be tough sometimes, but Jesus, I knew guys that were putting on TM1 in less than that.

    Low speed, indeed.

  19. 11B-Mailclerk says:

    Why Are Lying R U Stupid?


  20. Ex-PH2 says:

    Idiot, idiot, idiot. And boring. And crass. And really not very smart if he thinks he’d never get caught.

  21. USAF RET says:

    What a tool. And I am not crying….I’m making horseradish.

  22. thebesig says:

    Frotz Gerlach is a phony Navy SEAL, Duck Duck Go hit. Feel free to reiterate for additional clarity.

  23. Ncat says:

    Frotzy. Man that brings me back! I actually picked up a case of the frotzies after visiting the red light district in Darmstadt. Itching kept me up for days.

  24. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” WAS NEVER A USN SEAL.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” DID legitimately serve in the US Navy.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” was awarded the coveted NDSM.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” was awarded The Good Conduct Medal.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” looks like he’s a regular at Brucie’s Bath House (Entrance In Rear).
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” looks like he enjoys blowing winos behind bus stops.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” looks like he enjoys prowling highway rest areas for a date.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” jas a nickname that implies homosexual activity.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” looks like a total douche of a wannabe with that mustache.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” WAS NOT part of DS/DS according to records found.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” is as much of a USN SEAL as Elizabeth Warren is Cherokee.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” looks like he’s a regular at The Blue Oyster.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” looks like yet another reject Apprentice Towel boy at Brucie’s Bath House (Entrance In Rear).
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” will soon discover The Power of Google®™ and realize that THE INTERNET IS FOREVER. Enjoy your newfound fame, David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy”!

    How Copy,

  25. SFC D says:

    API, I copy wall to wall and treetop tall:

    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” WAS NEVER A USN SEAL.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” DID legitimately serve in the US Navy.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” was awarded the coveted NDSM.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” was awarded The Good Conduct Medal.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” looks like he’s a regular at Brucie’s Bath House (Entrance In Rear).
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” looks like he enjoys blowing winos behind bus stops.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” looks like he enjoys prowling highway rest areas for a date.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” jas a nickname that implies homosexual activity.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” looks like a total douche of a wannabe with that mustache.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” WAS NOT part of DS/DS according to records found.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” is as much of a USN SEAL as Elizabeth Warren is Cherokee.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” looks like he’s a regular at The Blue Oyster.
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” looks like yet another reject Apprentice Towel boy at Brucie’s Bath House (Entrance In Rear).
    David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” will soon discover The Power of Google®™ and realize that THE INTERNET IS FOREVER. Enjoy your newfound fame, David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy”!

    How Copy,

    • Sarge says:

      Trasmission garbed, I copy:

      David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” is as useless as the “ueue” in the word “queue”.
      David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” is the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
      If I had a face like David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy”, I’d sue my parents.
      David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” only chance at getting laid is to crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.
      David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” ass is jealous because of all the shit coming out of his mouth.
      If I had a dollar every time David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” did something smart, I’d be broke.
      When David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” was born, the doctor threw him out the window and the window threw him back.
      David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” listed in Who’s Who as What’s That?
      I’ve seenn people like David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” but I had to pay admission.
      David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” is living proof that man can live without a brain.
      David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” must have been born on the highway, because thats where most accidents happen.
      David Chris Gerlach aka “Frotz” or “Frotzy” is so dumb that he got hit by a parked car.

  26. Synloy un says:


  27. Keepin' It Real says:

    The Frotzy Man
    (sung to the tune of “The Candy Man”)

    Who can take tomorrow (who can take tomorrow)
    Dip it in a dream (dip it in a dream)
    Separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream
    The Frotzy Man (the Frotzy Man)
    The Frotzy Man can (the Frotzy Man can)
    The Frotzy Man can
    ‘Cause he mixes it with lies
    And makes the world taste good (makes the world taste good)

  28. Mustang Major says:

    Another member or “Posers MC” outed. Glad he isn’t in Florida, as the Florida chapter is busting at the seems.

  29. Green Thumb says:

    I wonder if Phildo (The False Commander “Phony” Phil Monkress – CEO of All-Points Logistics) has ridden on those handlebars…?

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